Aiming To Misbehave
by Wicked Little Aleu
Summary: Post game, Anders and Hawke are on the run when Hawke learns that real magic has no boundaries. Chaos ensues and the couple find themselves in a fight for survival.
1. Can't Be Tamed

**Not my first Anders/FemHawke but definately one Im proud of. Set after game, my own take on things. Probably AU. I'm not sure yet. I didn't have a beta for this so please forgive any errors you find. I tried a new approach to my writing, by not thinking so hard and writing what I know. Just so happens my drunken husband did bring a cat home last night that he swears loves him and followed him. Go figure. **

**Series of interconnected one shots. Thats the plan anyway.**

**BioWare Owns everything. Including the rights to my first born if things keep going the way they are. **

**Reviews, plox. Much Appreciated. **

**Chapter 1: Can't Be Tamed. **

**Rated M for language, themes and giggity.**

Anders was _drunk._

Hawke sighed heavy. There was no reasoning with the man when he was like this. She pinched the bridge of her nose pressing out over her eyes with her thumb and index finger, fatigued from hours of worry and irritation. Over the years she had seen this from him a few times but when he was to the point of beligerence he was at his absolute worst.

He motioned again to the large black and white cat he'd plopped down in her foyer as if its presense alone made his point entirely.

"She followed me home." He said again, for the 30th time in 8 minutes.

Hawke shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. He wassn't getting it. Even if she wanted a cat, which she didn't, her Mabari would eat it before either of them could blink. She'd be damned if Anders thought for a second that his new stray friend was replacing her dog.

_A WARDOG_ _for fucks sake..._

She couldn't help but feel a little betrayed on behalf of the dog who was certainly not going to take well to this fluffy invader. At least the dog was of use. But there wassn't much she could do at the moment. Anders was very unlikely to be rational and she desperately didn't want to fight with him. Nevermind that he'd broken a promise to her and then came home acting like the cat was meant for her as compensation. She knew damn well that cat was for him.

"You know, I'm sure Isabella could use a mouser on her ship." She tried anyway. No idea why. She knew this line was going nowhere.

Anders brow furrowed. He looked at the cat, at hawke, the cat, then hawke again. A deep frown marring his features.

"No. She's mine." He swayed a little.

Hawke felt her eyebrows reach for her hairline. She rolled her weight back to one foot.

"She loves me." He added thickly, sounding more like crying than speaking.

Hawke shook her head. Looking back over her shoulder for the Mabari she was sure was wandering around.

"Zeus will never allow this. Its not fair to him." She said flatly. _Brilliant logic. Maybe I should write a book on argueing with drunk men._

Anders chortled, covering his face with his hand. It was nice to see him laugh. A year after Kirkwall and still he was somber most of the time. Hawke felt her resolve waver slightly. The cat was pretty cute. Poor thing was probably starving, but it sat quietly beside Anders, listening as if it knew its future was being decided.

There had been a sadness in Anders that Hawke refused to acknowledge. She'd accepted months ago that children were not possible. They'd tried, and once, it seemed they would get their wish.

But the maker has a morbid sense of humor.

After her pregnancy had fail miserably Hawke decided for her sanity's sake not to hang her hopes on the idea that when Anders was gone she'd have a piece of him to love and hold onto. Her memories would have to be enough.

Anders hadn't faired as well. He threw himself headlong into research, looking for any way to make it possible and when the published manuscripts ran out he'd chased down rumors and wives tales of second generation wardens. He'd even gone so far as to track down other grey wardens, hoping they could tell him something, anything that meant all hope was not lost. So with increasing frequency he found himself drinking and cursing himself. Hawke already lost so much on his account, and he was taking _this_ from her too.

_Sweet baby Andraste, this is a disaster. _ Hawke sighed again. Uncrossing her arms she turned and made her way to her room, leaning heavyly on the banister of the stairs. The house was beautiful. But it was a loan, from a friend of Varric's in the Merchants guild who traveled a lot, Jarthic. He'd begrudgingly allowed the dog, because is was a Mabari. She was sure there was no way in the void he'd allow a cat. No somehow she knew the furball would have them all out on their asses.

_Wonderful. Some warrior I am. Can't even stop my drunken husband from bringing home strays. _

At least it would be a while before that happened. The fireplace brought the room to life, and made the stone walls feel like a sanctuary rather than a prison.

Hawke seated herself at her desk and with a dip of the quill, she started a letter to Varric.

_ Dwarf, _

_You're never going to believe this...well actually you will. Anders went out drinking again tonight, yeah yeah I know. Keep your trap shut. I'm not done yet. _

_Anyway he just walked in, plus one. A FUCKING CAT of all things he could find out there and he says the damn thing followed him home. _

_He's pretty wasted. I tried to reason with him but it seems the long walk has bonded him to this thing and I don't have the heart to make him put it outside. _

_Don't tell Jarthic. I aim to have a few more months here before we have to hit the road again. _

_I wish we could come back. I'll never tell Anders but I do miss Kirkwall, oddly enough. At least we never ran out of things to do. People to kill. Theres NOTHING out here, except stray cats and Wyverns. Maker help me if Anders ever thinks to bring one of those home. It will follow Leopald off a fucking cliff. Ha. _

_How are things on your end? I'm going to write Isabella and Fenris sometime this week. Tell Aveline I miss her. Still no word from Merrill? _

_Keep me posted asshole. Its boring out here. _

_ All My Love,_

_Jenivicia Hawke._

She looked it over, deciding it was good as it was with a small smile. The firelight flickered and danced. Anders was in the room. She didn't have to look. The raw, burning element reacted to his mana, reaching and falling. She smiled wider at that. The fire craved his power.

"Have you given her a name?" Hawke asked, defeated. She couldn't find it in herself to be too upset by it though. Maybe a change of scenery would do them both some good. Maybe having something to love besides her would bring Anders some kind of peace. It might cost them this home, but anywhere was home to her if they were together. _Fair trade._ She thought with a yawn as she stretched hard. Her elbows crunched simultaniously. 

"Miss kitty works for now. Unless you can think of something better."

Hawke nodded. She turned regarding her husband with tired eyes. He looked dead on his feet. Deep purple under his shimmering ocher orbs. He smiled weakly, shrugging as he added:

"I put her out in the garden with a bowl of milk and a scrap of meat."

Good. If Zeus found Miss Kitty while they slept it would be unfortunate. She didn't want to see Anders upset.

Hawke reached with both arms out to the space between herself and her husband with a smile.

"Come here." She commanded softly. He crossed the room to her, pulling her up into a hug. His face burrowing deep into her long ebony hair. Hawkes world was at peace when he held her. She could lose herself in his earthy scent and the warmth of his arms. She nuzzled closer, breathing him in.

His lips were on her hair, her forhead, and as she leaned to look at him he claimed hers in a scortching kiss.

She pushed up on her toes, deepening the contact. His hands on her face, he cradled her gently before pulling away, eyes hazing over.

"Shall we go to bed my love?" He asked, grinning.

Hawke barked a laugh. "Bed, not sleep?"

Anders quirked an eyebrow, laughter in his eyes. "Sleep, yes..."

"Eventually..." He amended.

Hawke shook her head, grinning like a fool.

"Ha, I see what you did there."

**A/N: This seemed like a good place to leave it for now. **

**I totally have every intention of continueing this. First series **

**ever. Sorry its so short. The next chapter will be longer, Promise! Reviews welcomed and encouraged! Also, Music is such a HUGE part of the process, My FemHawke and Anders have two theme songs, Both by Lindsey Starling: Crystallize and Electric Daisy**


	2. Awake And Alive

**I tried but I couldn't stop myself from writing this. Its short I know, longer chapters coming later as the plot comes to me. **

**Its my first attempt at smut so be gentle, or don't, I like it. **

**Reviews much appriciated. **

**BioWare owns all, we know this. **

**Enjoy :)**

Early morning light filtered through heavy tattered curtains into Hawkes Bedroom. The fire clung to life by the last bits of kindling, smoldering a soft glow in the shadows cast by the high stone walls.

Hawke slowly came to awareness, Anders absently tracing patterns over her bare shoulders. She hummed her approval, her full lips stretching into a lazy smile.

"Sleep well Jen?" His voice was thick, like the deep purr of some wild jungle cat. She had in fact, if the past nights exertions were anything to go by. Cheeks hot as she recalled the overwelming passion she turned her head to him.

"What do you think?" She giggled softly, too aware of her blushing skin and unbreakable smile. He had been absolutely sinful.

Anders propped himself on his elbow, and brushed her stray bangs back before kissing her softly on the tip of her nose.

"I think we're going to have a few things to answer for after last night." He teased, motioning to writing desk now snapped in half.

Right. All this stuff was borrowed, and now she owed Jarthic a new desk. Not that she minded. Isabela would be proud.

Hawke's chin came up defiantly. Her deep blue eyes sparkling with pride. She was a married woman, and very much in love. A broken piece of furniture every now and then was a fair price to pay for the way Anders loved her. She refused to feel abashed.

"Maybe we should try to break the bed next."

Anders snorted.

"Don't tempt me woman." He growled, nuzzling into her hair.

Hawke grinned wickedly, pushing him onto his back as she straddled him.

"I'll do more than tempt you, husband."

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a kiss. Moaning softly as her hips twitched over his hardening length. She reveled in her own power, excited by her body's reaction to her husbands touch.

His hands fit perfectly over her curvy hips, using his strength to hold her tight enough to bruise. If it hurt, she didn't complain. Hawke rolled her hips, grinding against him. She felt her core grow hotter, her pulse beating hard in her folds. Begging for release.

"I'll love you forever." He whispered, holding her closer.

"Only forever?" Her voice was breathy, and feather soft against his cheek. _Maker he's beautiful..._

Using his leverage on her hips Anders slowly slid into her, feeling her stretch to accomadate him. They sighed in unison, Hawke taking a moment to adjust.

She couldn't stop shaking. Her thoughts chased eachother in circles. Desire acute to point of pain as she moved over him.

Every drive in her body pushed her forward, every muscle aching, urging her on.

He rolled her, driving deeper into her hot center. Her knee's hooked comfortably with his elbows, pressed against herself and twisted.

She chanted his name like a prayer for salvation. Her voice echo'd back to her, shrinking her perception of the world till he filled the scope completely.

The air rushed in a way that crushed her lungs. She could barely breathe, his hands traced fire over her thighs and backside.

Sensations rocked through her hard enough to arch her back off the bed, her head thrown back as far as it would go. He pulled her in every direction at once. Her world tilts on its axis.

He fills her to point of bursting. His name died on her lips as she gasped for air. She wouldn't mind if it never came.

Inch by inch he takes everything from her. Her memories, her thoughts, her self. They scatter into the universe. New stars are born in the pit of her stomach.

She twists her hips, ripping his breath blessedly from his lungs. Inner muscles clenching in wave after wave of pure blissful oblivion.

Anders responded in kind with a deep thrust he emptied his seed into his wifes vibrating body.

Hawke smiled up at her husband, heaving and aching for breath. Her eyes wide and wanting.

"Maker Jen, you're trying to kill me aren't you?"

Hawke shrugged, smiling like the cat that ate the canary.

"Breakfast?" she asked as he moved to lay next to her.

He was beautiful in his skin, sleek and sinful to look at. She chewed her lower lip thoughtfully. The bed survived. _This time..._

"Omlette?" He asked, putting his hands behind his head, obviously congratulating himself on a job well done.

She chuckled, kissing his cheek. "Sure."

Hauling herself out of bed she found a robe, noting the sore places as she slung it around herself. It was going to hurt worse tomorrow she was sure of it.

"Jen?" His voice questioned, sounding aprehensive.

"Hmm?" Looking back over her shoulder at the demi-god laying in her bed.

"Feed my cat?"

Hawkes face fell. She'd forgotten about the little beast. _With any luck Zeus has eatin it. _She thought ruefully. Figures, one minute he's a walking sex god, the next he's worrying over that stupid cat. Whatever.

"Yep."


	3. She Dances With Wolves

**Chapter 3 took all night to write out but Im pleased with it. Once again no beta so don't lynch me, its only partially my fault. I read Soul Mates by Karebear and I'm inclined to agree with her. I don't like possessed Anders and choose to ignore that part of the game. My choice. I'm sure it takes nothing from the story. **

**As usual, BioWare owns. **

**Chapter 3: She Dances With Wolves**

**Rated M for Language, Violence and Giggity, among other things.**

**Review, please and thank you.**

**Enjoy :)**

A messanger had come and Anders stood silently in the study with the door cracked listening to Hawke argue with him in foyer. The mage smirked, she was really letting him have it.

"I'll have you know Serah, the only reason your not under arrest this very moment is that we can find no evidence of your husbands wherabouts. I assure you that can change in a heartbeat." The messanger hissed. "So I'll ask you one last time, where is Anders?"

Hawke ground her teeth together. The Seeker had hassled Varric, tossed his room at the Hanged Man and now this weasle of a man stood before her, pointing his finger in her face, talking down to her like she was a dog. Okay that wassn't fair. She would never speak to Zeus like that.

"How should I know?" She ground out through her teeth.

As much as she knew Anders wanted to be down in the foyer with her, beating the much smaller man with his bare fists and then shooting a fireball up his ass for good measure, she had insisted he hide. If the Chantry thought they were together she would be a target, and then she'd never be able to make supply runs. She hated it, but this was the only logical way to live at the moment.

The messanger stared at her flatly, looking dubious.

"He's your _HUSBAND..._" he deadpanned.

Hawke barked a vicious laugh, throwing her head back.

"Exactly." She said, a cruel smile spreading across her face.

_I'm going to pay for that..._

"I assume you're aware of his reputation, does that man strike you and the 'one woman' type?" She offered.

The messangers eyebrows reached for his hairline. He cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable.

Hawke hated saying that. Her cousin had warned her years ago that Anders was a slut to rival Isabela. _Epic..._ Hawke had a few notches on her belt as well, but no one _ever_ needed to know that. So she'd dismissed her cousins worries. "_I'll fuck who I please._" she'd told her at the time. She was too aware that he was just upstairs listening.

"Then I must insist you aid our search for him, since you're clearly estranged." The messanger insisted, pressing his point.

Hawke laughed again. "Oh I don't think so."

The messanger shook his head. "I'm afraid I must insist, on behalf of The Devine."

Oh now he was getting on her nerves.

"We assume you would be up to the task."

Hawke stepped into him, dropping a pretense of civility. Fixing him in a predatory stare, ice blue eyes freezing over.

"Do not think to provoke me." she started, moving closer.

The messanger flinched back, until his back was against the door. He reminded her of drool. Short, pasty, and thin. She was sure even soked to the bone he weighed no more than she. It was a simple thing to lift him off his feet by his throat, pinned and thrashing. She moved her face inched from his.

"You're less than half the man Anders is." She pulled her daggar, holding it to his cheek. "If I ever see you again I will take this daggar, and I will _skull-fuck_ you with it. Catch my drift?" She snarled, dropping her prey to cough and wretch on the floor. By her sense of smell, he needed a new set of smalls.

Her foot met the door as he reached for the handle to escape. The wood splintered under the force of her boot. Great, Jarthic was going to shit a Paragon.

"Do. You. Catch. My. Drift?" She asked again, her voice deceptively calm.

"y-y-yes." Stammering, he couldn't even face down fear like a man. He was disgusting to her. She snorted, letting him scramble out the door.

"Pleasure to see you." She called after him waving hugely over her head, laughed loudly.

"Skull fuck huh?" Ander asked from the top of the stairs. He smiled, but it didn't touch his eyes.

Hawke beamed up at him, her own smile wide.

"Oh sure." she shrugged. "I wanted to paint a vivid mental picture."

"I hate that you take all the risk." Anders said softly as Hawke climbed the stairs to stand before him. She looked so small, so fragile. It was her greatest weapon. Everyone assumed she was weak. She knew well enough to use that to her advantage.

"Big risks, _**Big **_rewards." She said, softly, emphasising her point as she grabbed her husband by the crotch.

Anders collapsed in gails of laughter. He'd heard that exact speech from Varric's brother Bartrand just before they all skipped off into the fucking deep roads like it was some spiffy summer vacay.

"Jen..." he tried, laughter rocking through him. "That was...just terrible...WHY?" He clutched at his sides, tears of mirth falling uncontrolled.

Hawke couldn't help but laugh with him as he pulled her down on the floor with him. Her terrible puns had made her the butt of the joke more than once and she loved making them just catch her friends off guard, the more outrageous the better. Once again, Isabela would be proud. Lonely as the couple was now, in these moments it almost felt like they were all together again.

"So I'm not the type to settle down hmm?" Anders asked, teasing a smile. He looked so much younger, and careless as hawke quickly snatched the band from his hair. It fell to frame his handsome face in sunlight colored strands.

He yelped, shaking his head quickly to keep it out of his eyes.

"You always were the slutty one." Hawke laughed, pushing his shoulder playfully.

His laugh was infectious. It resounded in her chest, making her feel warm.

_Honey in the ears. _Hawke thought smitten.

"Too sexy for my own good." He said by way of agreement.

Hawke blushed furiously, unable to disagree even if his head might explode any second.

They laughed and talked for hours, regailing eachother with their take on stories they both knew. Still lounging lazily at the top of the stairs. Hawke turned, curling herself into Anders lap. Nuzzling her face under his chin.

"I remember the first time I saw you fight. You were so aggressive. I loved watching you." Hawke said quietly, a small yawn sent shivers down her body.

If he was smiling she couldn't see it, but she could hear it in his voice.

"You remember when we saved Fenris from those slavers, when we first met him?" He asked, snaking his arms possessively around her.

Hawke nodded mutely. It was adorable that years later he still acted as though the Elf had ever really shown interest in her. Isabela was only too happy to take him under her wing. Hawke never minded. Sure he was certainly something to look at but she'd never been one for elves. It was their height. Tall was a prerequisite and he never fit that bill. _Sooo funny that Isa fell for him. _Hawke mused internally, at the fact that Fenris stopped brooding long enough to have complex emotions and at her nickname for the busty pirate whom he loved.

"I'd seen you fight before, but I'd never watched you till that night." His voice deepened as he remembered, details falling into place that she herself had forgotten.

_She was magnificent, her swordsmanship looked more like dancing than fighting. Anders hadn't been in Kirkwall long and he found that the name on every pair of lips in Lowtown was "Hawke". _

_She spun in a graceful circle, the arc of her sword cutting through the surrounding slavers seemingly without effort. As she finished her spin she brought the giant weapon around to sheild her back from an arrow fired from the shadows. It found no purchase and bounced harmlessly from her blade. Hawke turned quickly to her would be assailant, brilliant blue eyes narrowed in disgust and rushed him with blinding speed. She dropped herself low to bring the tip of the Sword Of Archon into her target at an upward angle, impaling him through the chest and pinning him to a wall. _

_Hawke smiled viciously at the sound of flesh tearing to accomidate her blade. The sounds of the battle going on around her was the sweetest music. Her companions were doing well. "How many have you got Hawke?" Varric cried from across the dusty floor of the alienage. The warrior laughed, turning to the battle. Another slaver, was coming her way._

_"Shit!" He had started to panic. He could see her sword was stuck. Hawke pulled harder to no avail. She looked back again to see the slaver closing on her. Another second and he'd be on her. A very familliar emotion crawled up Anders spine. _

_"Fuck it!" Hawke screamed in frustraition. She turned, sidestepping toward her attacker, leaning toward her sword she threw her other leg out, impossibly high and was rewarded when her heel smashed into the slavers nose with a sickening crunch. He screamed, immediatly dropping his weapon to grasp at the shards of his broken nose. Blood gushing from his face he stared at her, fury plain on his ragged features. _

_Hawke sneered, tilting her head mockingly. "Damn, that looks like it hurts." She barked a short mirthless laugh. _

_"Not going to win any beauty contests." Varric chimed in, nodding approvingly. "YOU BITCH!" The slaver raged. _

_That had been it for his self control. Anders whistled loudly, the slavers attention previously on Hawke turned to her companion just in time to catch a stonefist square in the chest. _

_Anders didn't know how long it took the slaver to die, but he hoped the bastard suffered. _

"I don't remember it exactly that way." Hawke said, giggling. She wondered if this picture of the big hero was how all her companions saw her.

"Sweetheart, I was there. I remember." Anders insisted.

Hawke sighed in defeat. " That was one hell of a kick though wassn't it?"

"You bet your ass it was." He agreed vehemently.

"I did." she laughed, more to herself than anything. "well, I need to get my letter to Isa out of the way. Would you be willing to make some tea my love?"

As Anders nodded, he helped her to her feet and with a swift bruising kiss he moved down the stairs toward the kitchen.

Hawke settled into her bed, pressing her parchment into a piece of the broken writing desk on her lap.

_Isabela, _

_Holy dog shit, where are you? Have you heard from Varric? You and Fenris keep you guard up, there are Seekers about and no I don't think Leliana would neglect her duty to the Divine so don't even go there. I myself just had a lovely visit. They're getting more desperate to find him. I can't belive they still think he's not with me. I must be a fucking amazing actress._

_The guy got mouthy so I took a page from your book. He shit his pants! I would have given so much for you to have seen it, Isa. You would be so proud of me. _

_Speaking of being proud of me, Could you get your hands on one of those fancy writing desks you pirates use? You know the kind...that can take abuse? In no danger of breaking if it slides around in rough seas and what not. No details but seriously, Jarthic is going to KILL me. haha. _

_Soooooo worth it. _

_Write back soon, or better, visit. I don't know how much longer we can stay here. _

_I miss you._

_Be good! _

_-Jenivicia Hawke_

"ahhhh!" Anders screamed from downstairs, Hawke jumped, Rushing to the kitchen, weapon in hand. Her heart pounding painfully in her chest.

"What is it?" She demanded, narrowing her eyes at Anders who was hobbling out to the garden.

"Miss Kitty..." He said irritated. "She shit in the Larder."

Hawke bit her lip to stifle a laugh. "Your kidding, no waaaay." She bit out sarcastically.

"Its not funny Jenivicia. I stepped in it!" He barked, further fueling his wifes hysterics. She braced herself on her knees, laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.

"Serves you right." she said, swaying her hips as she left him to his suffering.

_Ahh...sweet victory._

**A/N: I know it might be disorienting but I rather like Anders memory sequence. I thought it added something instead of just having them talk about it. **


	4. You Don't Know How Beautiful You Are

**Sweet baby jesus this was a bitch of a chapter to write. SMUTTTTTTT! **

**BioWare owns, though I'm not sure they're going to want them back after this. I wouln't mind.**

**Reviews, please and thank you.**

**Rated M, If you don't know why, you didn't read it.**

**Chapter 4: You Don't Know How Beautiful You Are**

**Enjoy :)**

Hawke flopped down in the study, holding a piece of parchment bigger than herself.

Anders watched in amusment as she struggled with it, trying not to rip it and trying to read it with an exasperated face.

"Damn..you...stupid..." Still struggling, the paper crinkled loudly in protest of her rough handling.

"Whats with the map?" Anders asked, quirking an eyebrow at his aggravated wife.

She sighed, feeling defeated before she exploded in anger, crushing the map with swift jerking movements and letting it fall to the floor. Why couldn't the stupid bastard of a map just cooperate?

Hawke sagged in her chair, glaring at the crumpled parchment.

"I want to go home." She wispered, her head in her hands as Anders came to kneel beside her chair. He'd seen her homesick a few times but he never had the courage to ask exactly _which_ home she was missing so terribly. Neither was really an option. _Because of me..._

"Don't do that."

His wife was staring at him, a reproachful gleam in her eyes as if his thoughts were written on his forhead.

Anders half smiled, tilting his head like a confused puppy. It worked for Zeus, maybe it would work for him too.

Masking emotions was an art, one that Anders was miserable at when it was Hawke he was trying to hide from. She leaned into him, pressing her forhead to his. It was getting to be too much for her nerves not having her friends watching her back. But of course he'd assumed she'd meant a place when she spoke of home, rather than the people that had made her belong. She could see why though, considering she had just been arguing with a big ass map.

"Talk to me?" He pleaded softly, hating to see her upset.

Hawke shrugged. "Meh." She had nothing to say. At least not right away. She needed time to figure out what it was exactly she wanted. As much as she hated dismissing him. He was always good to her. Even when she was flipping out, which she was doing more and more often. It was disgraceful really, a warrior that suddenly couldn't control her temper.

Desperate to improve her mood Anders did something he hated, but knew she wouldn't be able to resist laughing at.

"" In truth it sounded nothing like a word. Drawing out each letter, it sounded more like a dying animal.

"I'm sorry, what?" Hawke chortled.

_Victory is mine... _Anders thought triumphantly.

He smiled sincerely, "Anywhere you want to go baby, I'm there."

Her answering smile lit a firestorm in his chest. Of course he would follow her, wherever she went.

"I'll be right back."

Anders jumped up and skittered from the room like his ass was on fire.

Hawke leaned deeper into her chair, chewing her bottem lip. _Rivain..._She thought wondering. Like Lowtown and Darktown had an illigitimate love child and on a much larger scale. If they could lose themselves anywhere it would be there, she was sure of it. She sighed, scratching her scalp luxuriously with both hands. Her muscles ached as she stretched and settled, dangling a leg over the arm, she hummed her contentment.

_**Mewww?**_

Hawkes icy gaze moved to the doorway.

_**Brrrmaouw...**_

"You!" she hissed at the cat as it wandered over unaware of Hawke's hatred and rubbed its long body against the legs of the chair.

_**MEEEEEEH!**_

Miss Kitty cried in indignation when Hawke hooked her foot under the cats midsection and flung it back out the door with shove.

Anders ran in as the cat scurried out, bewilderment on his face, nearly tripping over the fleeing animal.

"What did you do?" Anders asked, confused.

Hawke stifled a laugh, "Nothing." She lied, her voice thick with mirth.

"You hate her don't you?" He asked, smileing ruefully.

"Just her fur. Gets everywhere." Hawke chuckled at her husbands expression.

Laughter danced in his eyes as he crossed the room, leaning over Hawke. "So get naked." He offered.

Hawke turned and leaned forward, bringing herself closer to him. She took a deep breath, enjoying the way his scent made her insides coil.

Very gently she brought her leg up, letting it brush against his groin. Anders moaned softly, closing his eyes.

Hawke gingerly pressed her foot to his chest, leaning back as far as she could in her chair with a wicked smile. She silently thanked the Maker for her flexibility. So did he.

"Anders I-" she purred softly, pleased as he looked down at her expectantly.

Carfully measuring her strength Hawke pushed, giggling as her husband stumbled backwards.

"-Im hungry." She amended with a grin, hopping off the chair and moving toward the door. Anders growled behind her.

Anders was fast, powerful and very easily twice her size. Three things Hawke would later curse herself for not taking into account when she'd decided to tease him.

Before Hawke finished smugly thinking she'd gotten the best of her husband the study door had slammed before she'd gotten to it and she was pressed face first against it, Anders weight heavy against her. He held her wrists with one hand, pinned to her lower back.

He viciously pulled her hair aside, pressing his face into her cheek."I will have you." He snarled.

"You will try." She teased, adrenaline singing through her veins, making her body vibrate against the door. She loved pushing him to his limit, this was too much fun.

Anders spun her around to face him, pinning her arms above her head. "We're going to play a game." He said, holding his free hand up, electricity arcing and jumping visibly between his long fingers. His lips pulled back over his teeth in a menacing grin at Hawke's sharp intake of breath.

She eyed his hand, worry creasing her brow. _This is new... _Was it fear or exilleration that settled in her gut? She didn't know. A very large part of her didn't care. She did know if she shook any harder she might fall to pieces. Another shot of adrenaline ripped through her, pure and undiluted as he worked his hand down her pants to rest against her sex.

Anders carefully pushed two fingers into his wife, grinning wider when she whimpered and slumped against the door. He held her firmly, unwilling to let her move. As he pressed his lips softly to hers, he very deliberately sent a mild shock into her body. She jerked upward, moaning into his mouth and he could feel his magic inside her, the charge lingering in her lips transferred to his.

Oh maker that was amazing. Hawke could feel a pleasent tingle snake up her body from the inside, pulsing with the rythem of her lovers heart. It wound its way up through her stomach, her throat, tongue and lips and if her eyes had been open she was sure she'd have seen sparks pass between them. Her pulse kicked into overdrive, hammering so hard in her ears she thought she might go deaf.

_Please...please...do that again... _

Instead of letting the charge dissipate Anders held it, reinforcing it over his lips, tongue and teeth. He nipped her bottom lip, working his fingers inside her, growling as her body readyly responded to his touch, writhing and panting, her hips bucking against his fingers. She was a soaked, mewling vision of carnal perfection. He released her wrists, tangling his fingers in her thick hair to deepen his kiss with bruising force.

The buttons of Hawke's shirt protested, then popped and flew out in all directions as she ripped her shirt open. Cool air rushed against her warm, slick skin.

Slowly Anders withdrew his hand, trailing his sparking fingertips up her stomach. The muscles of his wife's abdoman twitched and flexed uncontrollably. His own need nearly unbearable as his rigid length struggled in his trousers.

Hawke cried out, throwing her head back against the door with a resounding crack. Every nerve in her body ignited white hot like a lighting strike in the pit of her womb. Her inner muscles contracted, then released and a flood of warmth gushed out of her core, dripping down her thighs. Trembling fingers deftly pulled at her pants, jerking them along with her soaked smallclothes down to her ankles where they pooled. She kicked them away, thoughts racing. She faintly remembered promising him a challenge. She reached, wrapping one leg high around his waist.

Anders couldn't wait much longer. Every passing second tested his control. He swiftly released his erection, and gripped Hawke's backside, intending to lift her and press her into the door. His thoughts were smug. He'd thought he'd won. Hawke was extreamely competative, and he'd mistakingly bet against her. Her knee came up between their bodies as he lifted her, preventing him from entering.

Hawke pressed her advantage into Anders solar plexis. If she'd wanted to she could rip his breath from his lungs. Instead she smiled cruely at her huband, a deep growl resonating from his chest. She again silently thanked the Maker for her flexibility. He cursed it to the void.

"Hawke." He warned, his voice rough. He was on the verge of losing control. He wanted to dominate her, not hurt her. He toed the line precariously. He gripped her tighter, his nails biting into the tender flesh of her backside. Something inside him snapped. He stared for a moment, wide eyes dialating with impossible reach at the woman he loved. She was _laughing_ at him. Rage and hurt warred inside him. She'd looked him right in the eye, and started laughing. His pride rose like a tangible thing and wedged itself in his throat. His skin started to burn like his very blood caught fire. Rage won, by a mile.

"Oh you fucking-" He snarled, tangling the fingers of one hand in her hair with an iron grip. Anders dragged Hawke across the room, bending her far over the high arm of the chair she'd been sitting in earlier. She yelped when he jerked her head back. It only fueled his anger. He pushed her legs farther apart, shoving her foot with his to widen her stance.

"Anders!" Hawke barked in alarm.

"SHUT UP." He growled against her ear, Slamming into her with one brutal thrust.

"YOU DIRTY MAGE BASTARD!"

Anders grabbed her throat, setting a furious rythem with his hips. "Flattery will get you nowhere." He laughed darkly. Every stroke was its own punishment and reward.

Hawke pushed back against him, struggling to accommodate his length and girth. Maker she wassn't going to survive. She'd never have imagined he'd had this in him. He'd been holding back, she was sure of it. His fingers were rough and forceful against her skin. His breath hot in her ear.

Anders pressed her hard into the chair, taking small steps as it ground against the floor, carving deep vallys into the wood. The friction of their bodies rubbing together and the heat, he nearly came undone. He bared his teeth feral snarl, willing his magic to come. With an exausting mental shove, a powerful electric current ripped through his body and into hers.

Hawke howled a loud desperate keening wail of pleasure as Anders lit her up from the inside out. Her nerves fired, causeing her entire body to spasm. Her gut coiled painfully and released, waves of pleasure patchworked her insides like rolling thunder.

His wife shuddered, cried out and cinched down around him in a vice grip. The hot evidence of her powerful orgasm rushed past his sex as he pummled her, dragging him over the edge with her. With a few powerful thrusts he emptied himself into her womb.

They collapsed on the floor, panting and heaving for breath. Anders pulled Hawke into his arms, kissing her lightly on the shoulder.

"What did we learn today?" He asked, teasing.

Hawke's body vibrated with her laughter. "Don't tease the mage." She replied through heavy breathes. "Though, I'm pretty hard headed. I might need a refresher course soon."

Anders guffawed. "I'll just write you up a lesson plan then." He smiled hugely, hugging her tighter.

A long comfortable silence fell over them as they basked in the afterglow of their lovemaking. Neither of them willing to cheapen the moment with a carelessly placed word.

"I'll love you forever." He whispered, nibbling her ear.

"Only forever?" She breathed through trembling lips, happy tears in her eyes.

Then she noticed the deep scratches in the floor where the chair had slid a good foot and a half away from its original position. Sighing deeply Hawke imagined Jarthic standing on a chair to wring her neck. _Aww nug shit..._

**A/N: I enjoyed writing this one. Though next time I'm writing smut my husband will be awake and available to me. I wanted to thank everyone who's read it, favorited it or reviewed it! Special Thanks to Diply for the awesome display of support! Gold star for you, friend :)**


	5. Living With Ghosts

**This one came to me in a dream believe it or not. Seems to work that way. I have so many notes and ideas all over my room and I think my husband is starting to resent finding them. Ha this is my "Manifesto" and I'll stuff it into every available corner if I have to. **

**BioWare owns it all those lucky turds. **

**Rated M for all that stuff, you know blah blah. Whatever.**

**Reviews please and thank you and as always, Enjoy :)**

**Chapter 5: Living With Ghosts**

The move had been fairly easy considering how far it was and Rivain smelled kind of funky. But passing through Antiva Hawke couldn't help but think that if Rivain was the bastard of Lowtown and Darktown, Antiva must be its nearly as bastardly cousin. Weeks of travel left the couple exhausted but at least they didn't have to worry about lodging.

_"Its the least I can do Kitten." Isabela insisted, trying again to shove the key into Hawke's hand. When Hawke didn't readily agree the pirate sighed, exasperated and laid the key on the table between herself and Hawke, leaning her chair back on two legs._

_Hawke eyed her friend dubiously, a small smile on her face as she looked at Anders sitting next to her. "What do you think-" She motioned in Isabela's gneteral direction. "- of all this?"_

_Anders turned his attention to the pirate, who'd crossed her arms. Her gratuitous cleavage nearly spilling out of the overworked hem of her tunic. He smirked, running his hand through his loose falling hair. He wore it that way more often for Hawke's benifit. She loved it. "Remind me again, how you came to own this, er..house?"_

_Isabela looked offended. Puffing her chest indignantly. "I won it in a card game." She bit out, raising her eyebrows in suprise at her friends who were laughing, tears of mirth already sliding down their cheeks. "I didn't cheat-" she started only to be silenced by raucous gails of laughter. She huffed, waiting for them to quiet down. When they didn't she blushed furiously. When they started trading jokes and puns, further fueling their hysterics the pirate slammed her fist down on the table. "ITS A SAFE-HOUSE!" She screamed over them, thoroughly riled. Apparently Isabela coudn't stomach her own medicine. _

_Anders yelped loudly as Hawke fell sideways out of her chair, spasming on the floor, her voice hoarse with her laughter. The pirate across from them leaned back again, with a seething expression and not a trace of amusment in her eyes. _

"Anders?" Hawke's voice cut through the silent darkness, high and questioning. He hadn't been asleep but he'd assumed she was. He was still trying to adjust to their new home and found sleep rarely. Mostly he wandered around the small homestead and kept an eye on the encroaching treeline. "Bad dream?" he asked quietly, pulling her into his arms.

"Sort of." She answered honestly. It was 50/50 maybe. She couldn't remember much but the emotions hadn't fled with the dream. So she'd awoken, tears shed in her sleep still wet on her face and a familliar ache in her heart.

Anders lay patiently behind her, petting her hair, cursing himself for not realizing she'd be having a nightmare. He'd have chased the dreams away with kisses and whispered affection as he had many times before. Maker, they were a screwed up pair. "Tell me about it?" He questioned, unsure he wanted to know.

"My father." She choked out, a fresh wave of tears burning her eyes. Hawke didn't cry. It was a rule she'd had since childhood. Crying was a weakness she couldn't afford. She wiped the tears away fiercly with her arm as she sat up. She wouldn't sleep again, not for a while. Her father was not a topic she liked, and so years went by with never a word spoken. The loss of her mother, Carver, and eventually Bethany had been horrible, but they never touched how much she'd lost when Malcom had died. That fact alone made it worse. She felt like a scoundrel for feeling as little as she had for them. It wassn't something she could change, and as much as she missed her family she was almost relieved when their burden was lifted. They'd all bet on her, and she let them down. One by one and in horrific fashion. One wrong choice after another. She took a deep breath. Anders deserved to know everything, and why Bethany was reminded of their father when she looked at him.

"He was...a contradiction to himself. My father was very kind, but very strong. He didn't speak often, but every word had gravity." She explained. Closing her eyes against the fresh tears threatening to undo her. "He...he use to tell me...when it was just us...He said I was his 'whole heart' his 'baby' which I never understood because Beth and Carver were younger than me." She snickered mirthless. "He taught me to be strong, to fight for others and not just myself. But he also encouraged me to cry. He always insisted it wasn't..a weakness." Her grief rode her hard. She knew her father would be so proud and so worried all at the same time. She wondered more than once if he would have approved of Anders. After years of his preaching about mistakes and that he didn't want his life for his children, least of all her here she was. Hawke had become her mother. She'd left everything, a life of wealth, in a city that welcomed her, the very same city, in fact that her mother had run from for an Apostate because her heart beat to the rythem of his drum. The world was not without its irony.

"Bethany said I reminded her of him, your father I mean." Anders pulled Hawke into his lap as he leaned against the headboard. She curled into his arms, humming happily. He kissed her head softly as he waited for her to continue.

"He was a prankster." She remembered. "I can still see him putting on a mask and jumping out of bushes at Bethany, or making growling noises at Carver, convincing him he was a werewolf. My family's Mabari, Zeus's great uncle, in fact almost bit Fathers face off one night because he came sneaking in trying to scare Mother." Hawke laughed, wiping tears from her eyes. Anders laughed with her, pleased with the direction their conversation had taken.

As she continued with every detail she could remember Anders listened patiently, commenting when needed, or asking questions but mostly he just listened. He couldn't remember a time she'd ever spoken of her father and he could see now that it was just too painful for her. If he knew one thing about Hawke it was that she revered her father, that his word was law to be followed to the letter without exeption. She confessed there was very little in the world she wouldn't trade to be able to just speak with him one last time, as she reveiled she'd never gotten the chance. She had been away when he died and it quickly became apparent that she would never forgive herself for it. It killed her that he hadn't gone out the way he'd told her he wanted to. Fighting for some just cause or protecting his family. He'd gotten sick and right when it started to look like he'd recover he'd fallen asleep and slipped away. Her only comfort was that the last thing she'd said to him was that she loved him. She started to drift a little at dawn and Anders thanked the Maker for her.

Over the last 10 years or more Hawke had changed so much and she rarely smiled for anything or anyone that hadn't broken through the walls she kept. It occured to Anders that she'd fallen for him because of the similarities between himself and her father. In her mind he was everything a man should be. Her faith in him had been unshakable. Anders chest swelled with pride and understanding. He promised silently that he would do everything in his power to be everything she needed.

_"Come now Jeni, push yourself." _

_Hawke was sweating profusely. Every inch of her body hurt and she was sure Father singed her eyebrows off. She scowled at her father. She took her fighting stance, the breeze blowing from the trees felt nice on her overheated skin. _

_"Widen your stance girl." He chided. Nodding approvingly when she did as he commanded. _

_Her fathers spell flew at her. Hawke set her feet and swung her sword in a wide arc shattering his stonefist to pieces than fell harmlessly in a shower of dust and rock around her. _

_Several hours later she sat next to her father on a hill overlooking their home. For every ounce of pain she felt equal amounts of pride in herself and joy for having such a wonderful teacher. Though a formitable mage her father sure knew how to swing a sword. Hawke would later be very grateful for the well rounded education. _

_Malcom lounged next to his eldest daughter, bemused by her alertness even in relaxed moments. She sat with her legs folded and her back ramrod straight. Even as they talked she scanned the area for danger. _

_"Tell me, what have you learned?" He questioned, nodding as he listened._

_"Fighting should always be my last resort, but if I must fight do so for the right reasons and never let my emotions rule me. There are those who take kindness for being easy. Even so I should never be unkind to anyone who doesn't deserve it. Stay focused, block. That kind of thing." She said, elicting a laugh from her father. _

_"Dad, if you don't want me to be a warrior why train me to fight?" Hawke said sheepishly. Her stomach fluttered uncomfortably. _

_Malcom smiled at her knowingly, wisdom making his tired eyes bright. "I train you to fight in the hope that you'll never have to Jeni. But the world is hard, the Chantry is corrupt and I would have you use your knowledge and skills to make a better life for yourself. Sometimes to find peace you must first know conflict. Just as I should never allow my magic to rule me you should never allow your emotions to rule you. Always defer to your better judgment and if you find yourself conflicted let my voice be your guide. I am not just teaching you to fight, my dear. I hope always above all things I am teaching you to think. Remember these lessons, they will serve you well." _

_With a beaming smile he clapped her on the shoulder. "Shall we go then? I'm sure your mother has dinner ready by now."_

_Hawke nodded, jumping to her feet with a grin stretched ear to ear. "I'll race you home, dad."_

When Anders woke it was mid-afternoon. He reached for Hawke in his stupor and two thing registered at the same time. He was alone, and it sounded like a fight outside. Hawke's voice rang high and clear. Anders fell out of bed forgetting his staff propped in the corner in his haste and flew as fast as his feet would carry him outside.

He found her by the small barn beside the house wearing very little in the way of armour, barefoot swinging the sword of archon gracefully, a look of deep focus on her face as she went through her forms. Anders relaxed, choking down the panic that had risen in his chest and realized with suprise that sitting side by side watching her intently were Zeus and Miss Kitty. Their heads followed her sword in tandem. _Interesting..._He quirked an eyebrow quizzically. The way she moved was memerizeing. Anders padded to sit next to her other spectators. He noted how fluid her motions were. The way she danced with her blade as if it weighted no more than a daggar. He couldn't think of another soul on earth that could wield a sword that size with one hand. The weapon was an extension of her body. She manipulated it with precision and power, using its size, weight and momentum to her advantage instead of trying to work against it. None of those fools in the Kirkwall gangs had ever stood a chance against her. He could see it plainly, she was chaotic and restless, an angel of war. Anders recognized her well placed yells as breathing exercise to increase the force of a swing or thrust. He seriously doubted she needed it. He hadn't thought she'd noticed him till she said without breaking her rythem:

"Anders, get in here."

His jaw hit the dirt. Did she mean spar, with her? Fear curled in his stomach and his instict to run clawed at his body. Could he do this, look at his wife like an enemy? Fire spells at her. For the Makers sake she was barely armoured.

"Today." She commanded emotionlessly.

Resigned Anders sighed. This was Hawke, she wouldn't let herself lose control. He heaved himself off the ground, pausing to look at the Mabari and Miss Kitty. He could have sworn they looked as aprehensive as he felt. He moved to stand opposite his wife, making sure to give himself enough space to move. She'd stilled and was rolling her neck out with a loud crunch. As she focused on him he felt himself shiver. _Oh...shit. _Hawke fell into her battle stance and flashed a wicked smile.

"Don't worry, this wont hurt...much." She surged forward with incredible speed and Anders was sure in that moment that he needed to change his underclothes.

**A/N: No don't worry she wouldn't hurt Anders. I'm trying to gear up to some kind of plot maybe. These rediculously tastey Frappuccino coffee drinks are making my head explode. I'm thinking I'll take some suggestions into consideration if anyone has any. As always thanks for reading and I hope to have the next chapter up in a few days :)**


	6. Blackout

**Sweet baby jesus I can't even remember how this came to me. Its a shorter chapter, getting into some plotsy things. **

**BioWare owns it, and shame on them for not thinking of this. **

**Rated M. Don't give me that look. You know why. **

**Reviews please and thank you, I'm a whore for that shit. **

**Enjoy :)**

**Chapter 6: Blackout**

"Hand to hand?" Hawke offered, giving Anders a lewd once over. A wicked grin playing on her full lips. She stabbed the tip of her sword deep into the loose soil, rolling her neck and shoulders.

Anders looked at her incredulous. "You want me...to hit you?" Heat rose in his cheeks. He could see she intended to have her way about this, her blue eyes crystallizing. Blue diamonds shimmered in the sunlight. She sidestepped, sizing him up. Without deciding to Anders mirrored her, moving lithely to keep the distance between them.

Hawke closed the circle slowly, each pass bringing her closer to her husband. She needed this and he was strong enough to break her limit. She matched his evasive steps, pleased that he was unwilling to turn his back to her.

Once the sparring started it became easy to fall into a furious rythem with one another. Having fought side by side for years they each anticipated the other and moved acordingingly. Anders was suprisingly fast, his grasp nearly unescapable. Hawke spun and ducked, always dancing a few seconds ahead of his reach. She dug into the earth, throwing punches, knees and elbows. Anders would huff with exertion, blocking and using her momentum against her to wrap her in his arms. She'd wriggle free and bounce back with a vengence.

As they moved Anders got more and more agitated. She wassn't pulling punches and he was getting tired of blocking. His forarms were going to be purple if it kept up the way it was. Ferocious snarls were ripping from her throat. _So much for not losing control. _One lapse in focus was all it took. One second he was on his feet and the next moment She'd ducked under his arm, rendering his reach useless and snapped forward, plunging her elbow into his face. She spun around behind him, yanking him backward by his hair to buckle his legs. Somewhere that sounded very far away he heard Zeus barking and yowling in warning. Anders turned fast, cursing so quickly he himself wassn't even sure what he'd said. He called his magic, his instict overriding his rationality. Hawke skittered back several feet as Anders roared at her, firing a massive wave of pure energy from his palms.

For a moment Hawke was 14 again, staring down her father across the field. But this magic was not elemental, and she was unprepared. Time slowed to an agonizing crawl. She closed her eyes, knowing she'd pushed him too far and now she'd reap the whirlwind. Bright lights flashed against her eye lids. She hoped it would be painless. His pain would be endless, and she fervently hoped that no matter what, Anders would know how much she loved him.

_Anders was dancing during the Solstice festival in Kirkwall pulling her with him to move with the rythem of the music. Their laughter echo'd in her ears. _

_Ocher eyes welcomed her home. Impossibly smooth lips brushed hers, making her heart beat harder in her chest. _

_"I'll love you forever." He breathed as he moved within her. She cradled his face in her hands, tears sliding uncotrollably from her eyes. Her breath caught in her throat. She loved him so much it broke her heart. "Only forever?" She whimpered, pressing herself closer. _

_"Let my voice be your guide. Push yourself Jeni." _Her fathers voice, it reached through the fog and memories. She couldn't let go now. Not when she had so much left to live for. Memories flairing in her mind, passing faster and faster.

..._NO_...

Adrenaline shot through her, pushing her heart to unnatural speeds. Her limbs moved of their own violation, instinctually she dug in. Her eyes snapped open just at the killer energy hit her palm, her arm outstreched. Her fathers magic singing in her veins. The hit pushed her back several inches, the energy broke around her like a wave, snaking around her body. Tendrils lashed at her, seeking purchase. She screamed in agony. Her blood felt like it was boiling under her skin. The enegry surged painfully as she started to absorb it through her hand. It crawled through her nerves and pushed its way into her organs and bones. She could feel it in every cell, thrashing like a wild creature in a cage. The second she took it into her body she knew she could never hold it. It swelled inside her and made her stomach turn violently. Death would have been easy compared to this. She'd have torn out her own heart if she thought it would end the pain. The world went dark with the sound of a thunderclap.

Awareness came, white hot and blinding. She could hear Anders begging her not to leave. Zeus was barking and something, she didn't know what was making an awful keening sound.

"Makers breath whats happened?"

Who was that? What was happening? She couldn't open her eyes. "She absorbed my magic-" Anders was trying to explain over the wailing. "Is that possible?" The stranger all but yelled. "I don't know but she's fucking choking on it!" Anders cried, his voice filled with pain. Why wassn't he stopping this? Why would he let her suffer?

Her lungs were on fire. Her mind frenzied for a way to stop the burn. She knew in that instant he was more right than he would ever care to know. Hawke was drowning. She tried to focus, tried to push. She didn't know how long this went on. After what seemed like an eternity something became very frightenly clear to her. Magic in her blood. Her fathers lessons. It snapped into place like she'd known it all along. Specialized training from her father and endless conversations, lessons about the theory of magic came rushing back. Her father had seen this coming. That one day the magic in her blood, that he'd passed down might awaken. Hawke was a warrior, and a mage. There was so much pain she never thought to hold it like she did her sword. To flow with it instead of against it. She stopped fighting, letting the energy gather in her chest. It was so heavy, but she worked it. Testing its perceptible edges with her mind. It did not resist when she gripped it. The wailing stopped. She could hear Anders as his breath caught. Her heart slowed, the pain ebbed and with a controlled mental effort Hawke shoved against the invisible enegery. She felt her body spasm. She opened her eyes, gasping desperately for breath. It felt like someone kicked her in the chest as every glass object and window in the house blew outward with incredible force.

Anders was hovering over her. His face made her heart skip a beat. He looked like hell. " Sweetheart..." he said, tears sliding down his cheeks. Hawke smiled weakly, reaching with a trembling hand to touch his face. He turned his head into her palm, kissing it lightly as he placed his hand over hers. He was shaking so hard. "I thought, for a moment I was so sure I'd lost you." He confessed, his brow creased with worry. Hawke coughed a laugh "Well, surprise." She mused as she sat up slowly on the bed. When had she come inside?

Anders cradled her gently, helping her move. No matter how long he lived he would never understand what had happened. She'd been slipping in and out of conciousness for 6 hours. When she was out, he had to constantly check to see if she was breathing. He was terrified to try healing magic. So he waited, scared and worried. When she was awake, if you could call it that, she thrashed and screamed. He had to restrain her to keep her from tearing off her own skin.

"Who were you talking to? I heard, another voice." Hawke asked softly. Shuddering as she replayed the endless expanse of time she suffered.

Anders was clearly disturbed by the memory. "A passing merchant on his way to Ayesleigh. He heard you screaming."

Hawke's eyes went wide. The keening. The horrible, sorrowful cries she'd heard. They were from her. The pain it must have caused her husband stretched out before her. All because she'd been too pushy. Too willful. Still, She couldn't deny that if she could learn to wield her fathers power, she could do so much good for mages all over Thedas. She wassn't sure how yet, but this had to have happened for a reason. She wished more than ever at that moment that she could talk to her Father, ask him what it all meant.

"I could have killed you Jenivicia." Anders scolded, reading her thoughts on her face. She blushed a bright pink, managing to look sheepish.

"Can't you imagine the possibilites? Should such a thing even be possible? Anders, I can't ignore what this could mean." She tried, ignoring the horrified look on his face. She knew he would resist teaching her, but who else did she have?

"No, I will not allow it. You cannot ask this of me." He insisted. He would be damned if he would let her kill herself trying to be like him. Anders wouldn't say he was a man who celebrated his magic. It had made his life hard and she was the only thing that made it bearable. No matter how noble her intentions were, he absolutely refused. Nothing could be worth risking what he'd seen. Hawke tried to argue her point but Anders cut her off. "This conversation is over. Put it out of your mind." He bit out more angrily than he'd intended. He shook his head, walking from the room. He needed some air.

Hawke looked after him, a small smile playing on her lips. "Don't bet on it." she muttered, her mind already racing with possibilities.

**A/N: I know its a short one, but I look at it as a precurser to some pretty epic things. Thanks again to everyone who's read it, favorited it and reviewed it! A very special thanks to Diply for helping me develope the idea and for giving me fodder for my next chapter. More plot stuffs, more characters and possibly some Elf action. **

**A/N ps: The memory sequence is not meant to be one memory but 4, just in case it was confusing.**


	7. Holding Back The Tide

**Its taken me a rediculously long time to write this. I spent a while working on an outline for the remainder of the story and I found out planning it and writing it are opposing forces. Also totally OT but this was orignally just suppose to be Fluff and Smut which my husband now affectionately refers to as :FlufferSmutter. (penut butter and fluff sandwiches, fluffernutters, are eating his brain I think.) I know the tone of the story has 180'd but stick with me, there's a pretty good reason and some interesting things coming.**

**As usual BioWare makes the rules, and I bend them as hard as I can.**

**Rated M: Adult language, themes, violence, smut and probably others things. **

**Reviews please and thank you. Don't make me give you sad puppy eyes.**

**Enjoy :)**

**Chapter 7: Holding Back The Tide**

Two months, one week, four days, three hours and fifty seven minutes. In the blink of an eye everything can change. Only time's passage is certain. Hawke and Anders had lived on the edge of an uncertain future for longer than either of them could remember. Such a small amount of time, and their lives had been forever altered so much that neither of them could have predicted what fate had in store for them.

It had taken some time to wear Anders down enough for him to reluctantly agree to train Hawke's latent magical talent. Finally she'd resorted to begging and an air tight arguement in her favor. "What if it happens again? During a real battle...We may not be so lucky next time. I need to learn to control this." He couldn't find any angle to argue from. So with a heavy sigh, and terse nod he agreed.

In the first month he'd barely touched her. Preferring instead to revisit her magical education. Explaining the best way he knew, how to harness the energy efficiantly. The lessons were conducted outside at first, as Hawke showed an unnatural talant for setting fires. Most mages needed a staff to focus their power. Once Hawke had tapped into hers, she found even without one, she was nearly as strong as Anders. Every day she learned new ways to manipulate it, to bend it to her will. While Hawke was grateful for his patience and support, the lack of a physical relationship ground against her nerves.

_The night air was thick and cool as it pressed eagerly into the later hours. When the warmth of the day had dissipated and a well placed gust of wind could freeze your bones. _

_Hawke sat, arms wrapped around her knees in front of the dying fire. She watched it lazily, lolling her head to one side with a heavy sigh. Nights like this she couldn't sleep. Her body ached in ways that were becoming as familliar to her as her own voice. _

_"Something on your mind?" Anders asked softly, slowly sitting across from her. He looked down at the floor, memorizing the pattern of the wood. Hawke reached out, stroking his lips with her thumb, trying to smooth out the frown there. He hated that she was upset but her touch made his skin tingle pleasently. He smiled wide, his heart thrumming in his chest. _

_Hawke's eyes shimmered as she regarded him. He looked tired, older. He was a shadow of the man she'd met in Kirkwall. She shivered, and the fire flaired, momentarily enhanced by her magic. Hawke leaned closer, curiously stretching to lay her hand in the flame. Anders quickly grabbed her arm, jerking her back. The flame danced over her skin. She held it reverently. Warmth coursed through her veins. She smiled at her husband. "Can you do this?" She asked, absently rolling the flame from one hand to the other and back. _

_"I don't know." He admitted shrugging. He didn't care to test it either. It felt hot from where he sat, awestruck. Any fire he might conjure he could hold because of his magical resistances, but to be totally imune, and to touch the raw element itself without calling to it. It was unsettleing, and beautiful all at once. Anders shifted uncomfortably. Worry and arousal mixed. His stomach fluttered at the tightening in his groin. "You did well today." He offered, changing the subject with a well placed and perfectly rehersed smile. She was nothing he'd seen, or even heard about. It was different for sure, and frightening in its intensity. What kept him up most nights was why her abilities only manifested now. Or at all. There was something to this and he needed to know what it was. _

_Hawke smiled, pleased with Anders acknowledgement of her progress. However difficult it must have been for him to accept her now, she was relieved he'd finally agreed to help her. She closed her palm around the fire, snuffing it effortlessly. Still, she felt horrible for giving him such a hard time about it. She'd thought being more like him would bring them closer together. When he'd pulled away the first time, unwilling to touch her, she'd felt more alone than she ever had. She wondered again, as many times before if he felt the same way about her. She squared her shoulders, deciding it would be better to just ask. _

_"Is it hard?" Hawke all but whispered, grinning sheepishly. _

_Anders jumped a little. Maker was he that obvious? He loved her, nothing would ever change that. He just couldn't bring himself to make love to her again. She could easily, too easily lose control and...he didn't even want to think of what could happen. He'd wanted to explain, when her advances had gotten more and more pointed until being gently let down still resulted in Hawke setting things on fire or blowing out the windows. He really didn't know why he hadn't told her yet, other than his worry that she might react badly. He felt a blush creep up his face, clearing his throat he pretended not to have heard her. "I'm sorry, what?" _

_She laughed musically. "Is it hard, to accept me now that I'm, y'know, different?" She blushed deep scarlet and looked into the fire. _

_Something flashed in her eyes before she'd looked away. Something he was unfamilliar with. Her face was apprihensive, body tensed. "Jenivicia, no." he all but whimpered. Of course she would think it was something she'd done wrong. " I'm only worried about your safety while your magic is still raw." He explained quietly, ashamed of himself for not telling her sooner, for letting her think he might not want or accept her. _Stupid, STUPID mage...

By the second month Hawke's control rivaled those who'd been mages all their lives. She liked to attribute that to her teacher, and had declared happily that "Sex is a great motivator." Anders had rolled his eyes but his indulgent smile as he prodded her to return to her lesson was one of satisfaction. He'd been almost as giddy as Hawke when they'd managed to make love without destroying something, more or less.

_Anders pushed deeper, Hawke's whimpered plea hot in his ear. Her nails dug deep into his shoulders. She bucked her hips, rolling herself on top of him. She leaned back, bracing below his knees, arching her back. Her movments were strong as her insides coiled painfully. Anders gripped her hips, aiding her furious rythem as she drove herself farther and farther over the edge of her control. Her insides burned uncontrollably, a feral cry ripped up her throat and resounded like deep bass in her chest. Sensations new and old tore at her from every direction. Her body spasm'd and writhed. Anders cried out, finding his own release and then again in suprise as his wifes body litterally caught fire above him. Every inch of her was bathed in flames. Her head was thrown back, her lips pulled over her teeth as she screamed. The fire was hot, but not uncomfortably so. It reached, lapping at her form as though it worshipped her. She had not stilled, pushing herself over the edge again more violently than before. The canopy, and edges of the sheets burned with her. Small thin cinders and bits of ashes rose in the air around her, floating on the rising waves of her body heat. The fire exstingushed as she collapsed over him, aching for breath, steam rising from her skin. _

The sun has risen nearly as lazily as Hawke. As it pressed reluctantly into the sky Hawke streched, relief rushing through her acheing muscles. She sat up slowly, twisting her body to work the kinks out. Pieces of the beds canopy lay burnt around the frame. She inhaled deeply, pulling the acrid air all the way to her toes with a pleasent tingle. She mussed her unruley hair, wishing for something to tie it back with as it was already sticking to the back of her neck. The other side of the bed was empty. She could smell bread and tea. The scent beckoned to her like a desire demon with two fingers up her nose wretching her out of bed.

As she neared the bedroom door a vaguely familliar voice rang in her ears. Anders was talking to the voice in the main part of the house. _I know that accent..._ She wracked her brain as a dimly lit memory came forward. Antiva, crows. _Oh! Its Zevran! _What in the void was he doing here?

"Isabela sent me, she sends her regards." Zevran was saying, sounding bored. "You say the Champion has show sudden magical talent? I certainly have never heard of such a thing." He finished with a muffled sigh.

"I don't think anyone has heard of it. I can't think of any reason why her body would change so dramatically." Anders voice was strained.

Anders must have read something in the Elf's face he didn't like. His tone was suddenly more hostile. "No one outside our companions can know about this. She would be exploited or worse. You think Kirkwall was bad? If something happens to her I promise you'll see something new." Anders voice promised pain with every syllable.

Hawke decided it was a good time to make her presence known. She walked through the door with confident steps. She held herself with an athority she hadn't needed in quite some time. "Well well. Look what the fucking wyvern dragged in."

"Champion!" Zevran cried, jumping from his seat, extending his arms in greeting. "You look radiant my dear." He purred in his thick accent. He gave her a subtle once over, a small smirk playing on his lips.

_Is this guy for real? _Hawke looked past the Elf at her husband who was shaking his head, laughter in his eyes. Hawke crossed her arms. She barely remembered helping Zevran and his association with Isabela did nothing to ease her mind. "Please, its just 'Hawke' now." She said pleasently, motioning for him to return to his seat.

Zevran inclined his head respectfully and complied with a smile. "Of course, like old friends."

Hawke smiled in spite of herself, moving to pour herself some tea and taking the seat next to Anders. "So Zevran what brings you to my smelly little corner of Thedas?" Hawke asked, sipping at her tea.

Zevran ran a hand through his light blonde hair. "I came to check on you-" he motioned to Hawke and Anders, "-At Isabela's request. She has recieved no corrispondence from you in some time. She assumed it was too risky to send a letter by conventional means and I was in the area."

"We've had a lot going on." Anders said shrugging.

"So it would appear." The Elf replied, his voice thick with innuendo. "Oh that reminds me." He started, crossing the room to dig into a bag he'd carried with him. "I brought letters." He tossed them onto the table in front of Hawke as he reclaimed his chair with a happy grin.

"Too risky, hmm?" Hawke asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Zevran nodded. "By conventional means, yes." He said with a frown. Being used as a messanger was a miscarriage of his talents and it chafed his pride.

Hawke grinned openly. There was no way Zevran hadn't already read the letters. He was far too much like Isabela not to. "Why don't you just tell me what they say in a nutshell?" She said persuasively.

Zevran felt his jaw drop a little as his eyebrows shot up. "Champ- I mean...uh." He cleared his throat loudly. He missed Anders snickering under his breath. "Hawke, you wound me my dear." He said more confidently.

"Not yet." She said playfully. "I haven't ruled it out." With a wicked grin she pushed her energy out just enough to perceptibly change the atmosphere of the room around her. The birds chirping outside quieted, bringing a deadly silence to settle over the house and surrounding area. She was enjoying herself a little too much.

Zevran laughed merrily. "She really is something." He said to Anders, who nodded his agreement with adoration in his eyes as he gazed longingly at his wife. "Very well Lady Hawke. The letters are from a few of your companions. Varric wishes to inform you that he has in fact located Merrill, and that she is not far from Kirkwall. He has also found a disturbing number of reports that your former companion and prince of Starkhaven is in fact building a task force to hunt you both."

Anders chest constricted as he and Hawke looked at eachother. A less observant eye would have completely missed the subtle fear that flashed in her eyes. He imagined he looked much the same.

Hawke patted his leg under the table soothingly. She sighed heavily, rolling her shoulders and neck. "Good. He's going to need all the help he can get, sanctimonious prick." She said with cold confidence. She nodded to Zevran, "What else?"

Zevran regarded her with admiration. She was so much like her cousin Naveen, the Hero Of Ferelden. Right down to the way her eyes turned his spine to glass. "Well now that the bad news is out of the way-" He coughed a laugh. "-Your friend the Guard Captain, wishes to announce her promotion to Viscountess of Kirkwall and our dear Isabela will be in Rialto Bay within the next two weeks." He finished cheerfully.

The trio spent the next several hours telling each other stories of their adventures. Hawke found herself enthralled with Zevran's recollections of her famous cousin, whom she had not contacted in several years. She found her mistrust of the Elven assassin melt away. He really was alright. By the end of the evening she was happy to count him among her friends. Zevran took his leave late into the night, stating that it was easier to travel in darkness, away from prying eyes. He shook Anders hand, and embraced Hawke, much to her chagrin before dissapearing into the night without a sound.

Hawke stood in the front room gazing out the window as she nibbled on a hunk of bread. She smiled absently as Anders sat near by scrutinizing a map he'd spread across the table. He was planning escape routes and battlegrounds with the best advantage should a fight become nessisary. He looked so much like her father when he was deep in thought. It made her heart flutter restlessly, joy and sorrow mixed potently. She sighed softly, smiling to herself. Her friends were out there somewhere. She hoped they were all happy and safe.

_"I will find your precious Anders..." _Sebastian's voice echo'd through the years. Hawke shivered, shaking her head to dislodge the prince from her brain. _I'll wear your guts for garters if you touch him._ She thought viciously. She felt like she was missing something. Something else she needed to protect. Her brows knit together in frustraition. What else was there? As she went to take another bite of her bread the smell hit her like a Mabari Charge. Her stomach flipped and she dropped the offensively smelly bread and skittered out the front door. She doubled over, the stench still up her nose making her head spin. She wretched, as Anders came to kneel next to her, holding her hair back with one hand and pressing healing magic into the small of her back. Warmth slowly crept through her, soothing her upset stomach. She looked up at him, alarm plain on his features. She plopped backwards, putting her head on her knees. "What was different about that bread? It smells fucking terrible."

Anders moved just inside the door and picked up the bread. He looked at Hawke confused. "Nothing, its the same as always."

Hawke eyed it suspiciously, shaking her head. "No its different. I can smell it." She insisted.

Anders took a bite, frowning at the revulsion on his wifes face. "Its fine." He said with a humorless smile, eating the rest of it.

"Eww Anders, that was on the floor." Hawke said, sticking her tongue out.

He laughed, pulling her up gently by the waist. As he led her inside he kissed her lightly on the cheek. "I've eaten worse." He mused, tucking her into bed with a smile. "Sleep now. I'll give you a thorough examination tomorrow." He waggled his eyesbrows, pleased when she giggled and blushed.

As she slept Anders searched his books and memories. He watched over her as he theorized a reason for everything that had happened. Before she'd woken earlier that day Anders had implored Zevran to help him find an explanation for Hawke's sudden change. With any luck he would have answers soon.

**A/N: This was so effin hard to write. Honestly I'm still not entirely happy with it. I've had a lot going on. My best friends moved and I spent a good 3 days helping them and there was an accident at home. Everything is fine now, and I'm getting back into the swing of things. Please forgive how long it took to write and post. Big thanks to everyone who's supported me in this endevour. It means the world to me. Stay tuned kids, its about to get crazy.**


	8. Standing Outside The Fire

**Writing this was wicked fun. As I said I write what I know, and its very much a part of my personality to keep very close to a more instictual way of being. In certain situations I find I've never felt more powerful than I do when I let loose, howl at the stars and all that good crap. Sounds nuts but trust me, its really liberating. **

**Anyway, I owe a very large part of the emotion in this chapter to Garth Brooks, particularly his song "Standing Outside The Fire" which I would strongly recommend. Seriously. **

**BioWare Owns the bodies, I provided the souls. Im a collector, I guess. **

**Rated M: Language, Themes, FlufferSmutter. The usual.**

**Reviews, please, thank you and come again.**

**Enjoy :)**

**Chapter 8: Standing Outside The Fire**

_**"But you got to be tough when consumed by desire,**_

_**Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire."**_

"It's glorious, issn't it?" Hawke called from the yard, her face tilted upward to the light rain. She smiled at Anders, who hid safely in the doorway of their home. The smell of the wet earth and wild flowers on the breeze made her feel giddy. She swayed happily, grinning like a fool.

He smiled indulgently, barely hearing her question over the sound of his heart hammering against his ribs at the sight of her. The sun had broken through the clouds, bouncing off the droplets of misting rain. Hawke danced, her white sun dress flaired with her movments. The light played off her long wavey ebony hair as the water clung to it, throwing small rainbows. Her dress was wet and hugged her curves seductively. Her chest heaved with her excitement, and her smile sent shivers through his body. _Maker, I'm a lucky man._ He thought, throughly appriciating the view. "It certainly is." He purred, nodding his agreement.

Hawke spun herself dizzy, crashing into the grass with a laugh. She rolled onto her back, squinting as Anders jogged to stand over her. The sun lit behind him like a halo. Her heart swelled in her chest, adoration swimming in her eyes. She grinned, trying not to hyperventilate. His ocher eyes held hers warmly. "Anders..." She said softly, reaching up to him with both hands.

He smiled, mirroring her uncosiously. Electricity arc'd between their fingertips as they lightly brushed each other. He dropped to his knees beside her, bracing on his hands on either side of her head. The damp earth below his knees no longer concerned him. There was only Hawke. "Feeling better?" He said lightly, nuzzling her cheek.

"Mmmmm." She purred soft approval, wrapping her arms around his neck. Thunder rolled in the distance, sending a thrill through her. She wanted to call to storm with her magic, to will its turbulant heart to beat with hers.

Hawke was in a dangerous mood. Anders could see the coming storm in her eyes as they caught the dying light, flashing like lightning. She was drunk with her own power. He sympathized. Many times he'd been the one aching to release the magic that roiled and thrashed inside him. He could feel her magic testing her control, bloodlust making it rebel in her chest. He inhaled deeply of her scent. She smelled wild, setting his insides to burning. He growled deep in his chest.

Hawke nuzzled under his chin, pleased he would give into his inner animal and let instict rule. She was always closer to being feral than anyone she'd known. She preferred to think of it as a long lost animal nature that she nurtured and kept close to the surface. It made her a good fighter. Once in a while though, she liked to surrender to it and let it reign over her with bruising force. In her mind, Anders was more than her husband and best friend, he was her mate. Something deep in her ached to express her interest in a more primal way. She echo'd his growl with feminine inflection, wanting to show submission. When their eyes met, his pupils contracted impossibly, the honey ocher irises hardened into the amber reflection of his ancient soul. Her thoughts came in feelings and images rather than words.

_Barefoot hunting, ghosting through the tree's, tracking scents and following trails. _

_A kill, struggling for its life, exciting her, sinking her knife deeper in place of the more appropriate teeth lost in evolution._

_The taste of blood and meat. _

_The scent of her mate mixing with blood of the kill. Anders arching over her, his intent clear in his dominant body language. She submits happily, whimpering her pleasure in yips and hums. _

Hawke pressed herself closer to his chest, taking in his earthy scent. She nipped at his neck as she repostioned himself to lay over her. She struggled under his weight, but stilled immediately as he snarled a vicious warning. She rocked her hips into his groin with a wicked grin stretched over her teeth. Somewhere in the back of her mind she noted the thunderstorm drawing closer, rumbling in her mates chest and all around her. The deep bass of the thunder reverberated through the ground under her back. So close she could feel it in her bones.

Anders felt his body stiffen at her touch. He captured her lips with his, passionately pressing his hips into hers. She mewled into his mouth, darting out her tongue to outline his lips before drawing his lower lip into her mouth, letting her teeth graze lightly over it. The rain grew heavier, beating against his body, urging him on. Electricity, enhanced by the rain sparked over his skin. His insides tingled as his nerve endings fired desperately. Without breaking the kiss he ran his hand up Hawkes thigh to her curvy hip, pushing her short sun dress up with urgency. Oh Maker, she wassn't wearing any underclothes. His instincts clawed at him. If this was what she wanted, how could he deny her? He saw the world with her eyes, saw what she wanted, what she needed. A comittment deeper than the bonds of human nature. A lover, a mate for life. He looked into her eyes and saw all the way to her heart. She would always be wild, untamed, and wanting. "If you'll have me, I'll lay my kill at your feet, my love."

"Yes..." She crooned, testing the edges of his jawline with her teeth.

"You will give me an heir to my bloodline..." He commanded softly, running his hand over her breast to tangle in her hair.

She arched under his fingers. "Yes..." She sighed, reaching between them to free his erection from his trousers. She gripped it tightly, guiding him to her entrance.

"Tell me..." He hissed in her ear, tightening his grip on her hair. Thunder clapped loudly, the storm settling over them. It roared as he thrust into her body. Her magic unshackled, singing into the atmostphere. She cinched around him, finding released immediately. He set a furious rythem with his hips as the storm raged above them.

"I'm yours!" She cried, wrapping her powerful legs around his pistoning hips. "I...want...I'll give...I'll give...FUCK! Harder, right there!" She urged him, incredible pleasure surging through her as he complied. Well practiced he pressed into her, knowing exactly what to touch inside her to make her scream and beg. Lightning danced in the sky, and in her womb. She willed the pleasure coiling in her guts to burn as fiercly as her love for Anders. She keened, wordless emotion and the personification of her pleasure ripped up her throat. Her whole body was a live wire, relentless pulsing with a need that crashed against her rational mind with devestating force.

Anders hair was plastered to his face. His breath came in quick, desperate gasps. Her voice called forth his magic to migle with hers in a potent mix that coaxed the storm above them to rage uncotrollably. The scent of sweat, rain and arousal swirled on the wind around them. He pounded into her harder, dipping his head to bite where her neck and shoulder meet. She howled his name as the coppery taste of her blood exploded in his mouth. "Don't spit it out! Kiss me!" She commanded forcefully. Her nails bit painfully into his shoulders. He claimed her mouth, moaning as she eagerly lapped and sucked her life from his lips and jaw. Her inner muscles contracted, "Come with me..." She begged into his mouth. _Always..._He thought lovingly. "Anders, I love you baby, please..." That did it. Anders snarled, climaxing as the storm released a deafening thunderclap.

Hawke nuzzled Anders face, humming contentedly despite the weather. The rain was warm and inviting. "Thank you." She whispered against his cheek. He rumbled above her, kissing her tenderly. "Only you, Jenivicia." His voice waivered with his effort to catch his breath. She heard everything he meant with the simple stament. _Only you could would have sex in a lightning storm, only you could bring this out of me, forever I'll love only you. _She felt her heart flutter at her name on his lips. "Only forever?" She asked through kissing him, her blood still wet on his face.

He grinned at her as their eyes met. "Its a start." Her laugh turned to a moan with his slow withdrawl. Anders sat back on his heels, tucking his length into his trousers. He looked Hawke over with half lidded eyes. The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him. Covered in mud, her dress hiked up and stuck to her skin. Her hair splayed wildly. Full lips turned upward in absolute saticfaction. The striking crimson of her blood stood out against her perfect alabastor skin. She was glowing. Something about her was different. He couldn't figure on what. His subconcious screamed at him, but he beat back the thought viciously. His breath caught in his throat. "...S'not possible..."

His voice was so quiet, if Hawke hadn't seen his lips move she would have thought she'd imagined it. He looked kind of, sick. "Anders?" she said sitting up quickly. She felt a little vertigo at that, but ingored it to grab his face in both hands. She winced as her should protested sharply. Just moments ago everything was perfect, and now...her eyes prickled. "Anders!" She hissed urgently, shaking him. What in the void was happening? Panic began to rise in her throat. She'd seen him sense Darkspawn in the Deep Roads, but this looked a little different. Her predatory eyes scanned their surroundings. He moved quickly then, jumping to his feet and scooping her into his arms fluidly. Hawke yelped, half in surprise, half at the sudden jolt in her shoulder. He ran them into the house, his face frenzied. "Take off those wet clothes." He ordered harshly as he ran into the bedroom. Hawke obeyed, feeling like she might shake to peices. Her dress his the floor with a wet plop. Aprihension settled in the pit of her stomach. Anders came back in a flurry of motion, fully dressed in dry clothes, the blood wiped from his face and carrying dry clothes for her. His jerky movments made Hawke feel queesy. "What the fuck, Anders?" She barked, agitated.

He was pacing and mumbling to himself. She felt the odd urge to cover herself. He stopped as she grabbed his arm, aiming for the clothes he carried. "Its not possible!" He shouted, tears glistening on his cheeks.

"Whats not possible?" What the fuck. Just, seriously WHAT THE FUCK? Hawke snatched the clothes from him.

Anders stepped closer, missing Hawke flinch back as he reached, touching her shoulder with a healing glow.

She relaxed under his hand, cursing herself for believeing even for a moment that he might harm her. It was embarassing. She blushed light pink. "What's got you so upset?" She asked softly, feeling his magic flow through her wound and then...lower? What was he looking for? Before she got her answer he gasped, taking a step back. Confused, Hawke slowly dressed, looking into her husbands ocher eyes. They seemed unnaturally warm, considering how paniced he'd been moments before.

He looked at her meaningfully. "Hawke, Jen...I...You're..."

Something clicked in her mind. Memories pieced together to form a picture, an answer. One she never in a million years would have reached for.

_Even when she was flipping out, which she was doing more and more often. _

_A fresh wave of tears burned her eyes. Hawke didn't cry. It was a rule she'd had since childhood. Crying was a weakness she couldn't afford. She wiped the tears away fiercly with her arm as she sat up._

_She could smell bread and tea. The scent beckoned to her like a desire demon with two fingers up her nose wretching her out of bed._

_She felt like she was missing something. Something else she needed to protect. Her brows knit together in frustraition. What else was there? As she went to take another bite of her bread the smell hit her like a Mabari Charge. Her stomach flipped and she dropped the offensively smelly bread and skittered out the front door. She doubled over, the stench still up her nose making her head spin. She wretched._

_Craving the taste of blood and meat. _

Ander had stood quiet, waiting for the answer to come to her. When it did she looked like she might pass out. He pulled her into his arms just ask she shuddered and a sob, -or was it a laugh?- broke from her lips.

"I don't believe it." She shuddered again, letting the tears come without restraint. Anders nodded his agreement. There _was_ something more to protect, and as her heart fluttered restlessly a very real chill crawled up her spine. The storm brewing in Starkhaven wouldn't be dormant long. If they were to have even the smallest chance of surviving, they would have to be ready. "Zeus!" She called, hearing the hound bark from the barn. His heavy paws splashing and he hurried to his mistresses call. The Mabari came in through the open front door, shaking the water from his coat vigarously.

Anders stepped over to the large dog, kneeling next to him. "Listen to your mistress." He coo'ed softly. Zeus tilted his head, then turned to Hawke with intelligent eyes.

"Do you remember the Elf who was here yesterday?" She asked the Mabari, who yipped a confirmation. "Good, track him, and bring him here to me. By any means, you hear?" Zeus bounced excitedly, barking. "Be quick. Go." She said, watching as he turned, flying out into the storm as fast as his legs would carry him.

"Now what?" Anders asked.

"Now we wait." She said, her lips pulled into a grim line.

**A/N: I know its pretty smutty but I swear that wassn't my intention when I started. Just a pleasent side effect. I was quite pleased with this one, I used real bits of previous chapters for the memory sequence. I want to thank everyone for sticking with me, Reviews, Favorites and Alerts. It means so much to me. You all get gold stars! **


	9. Go Not Gently

**Sorry it took so long. I really had to think about this one. That and I've been playing through Mass Effect 2 again.**

**Florence and the Machine was my muse for this. They really make me feel kind of not right in the head. **

**BioWare owns it, and would kick my ass if they saw this. **

**Rated M for Language, Violence, Smut, Adult content, seriously lol**

**Reviews, please and thank you. I validate my exsistance with them.**

**Chapter 9: Go Not Gently. **

**Enjoy :)**

_**"And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat,**_

_**I tried to find the sound,**_

_**But then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness,**_

_**So darkness I became."**_

Two days and nights the Sun and Moon chased each other through the spring sky. Neither yeilding to the other. Stars new and old watched in silent amusment. Thats how Hawke preferred to think of it, when the breezed danced merrily through the trees. Shock had long since given way to the warm glow of expected motherhood and every couple of hours her mood would darken with worry until she reprimanded herself and cycled back to happier thoughts. Her eyes never lost the cold steel determination she felt.

Anders had written several letters to their companions. Two for Varric, one for Isabela, and one for Avaline. He hoped they would reached their intended recipiants any day now.

"How do you feel?" Anders asked from the window, eyeing Hawke speculativly.

Hawke laughed quietly into her tea, he'd asked her how she felt every 15 minutes for the last three hours, by her count.

"I'm fine, please don't worry so much. You'll give yourself grey hair."

He ran a hand through his golden mane, smiling sheepishly. "You don't think I would look dignified?" He feined offense.

Hawke crossed the room to ruffle his hair. "No, so please don't do that to me."

Ducking away from her he stuck his tongue out. "Rude.."

"Very mature." She snorted.

"You love it." He stated, moving quickly out of the way of a punch aimed at his shoulder with a laugh.

Hawke growled, throwing another light punch only to have it dodged. "Hold still so I can beat you." She complained.

"What? No." He laughed as she pouted, looking up at him with sad puppy eyes. Real tears swam in their blue depths. "Maker Jen. You're serious?"

Hawke held up her hand, "Only a little..." she illustrated her point with her index finger and thumb. _YES! his guard is down!_ She rejoiced intertnally as she jumped, smacking him in the forehead with her palm- "Demons come out!"

Anders yelped, stumbling back. "Jen!" He rubbed his forehead.

She laughed happily. "What? Had to make sure you're not posessed." She beamed a toothy grin.

"You're going to pay for that." His voice was low and husky, sending delicious shivers up her spine.

"Ohhhh scary." She wiggled her fingers at him. "Want me to kiss it and make it better?" She teased with a giggle. The way he looked at her made her feel like blushing.

"I've got something you can kiss." He growled, grinning wickedly.

She sauntered closer, pressing her body to his. "Do tell." She prompted, leaning up to lightly brush her lips against his. Unthinking pleasure coiled in her stomach as she felt him shudder against her.

"Ask me nicely." His eyes darkened, hands in her hair he crushed his lips against hers. She gasped, allowing his tongue entrance.

"Wait." Hawke turned toward the door, leaving Anders stunned and feeling after her with open hands. "No, listen!"

He wrapped his arms around her, fingers splayed gently over her stomach as he dipped his face into her hair.

Distant footfalls thudded heavily on the earth. It was Zeus, Hawke was sure of it. He was running. If he was running so close to home then something was wrong, she could feel it. "Anders, get your staff." Hawke said, her voice shaking. He started, staring at her wide eyed. _Is this it?_

Hawke took off into the failing light, leaving Anders scrambling behind her. "Jenivicia wait!" He called to her as she sprinted out the door. She felt the burn in her legs almost immediately. Her gut coiled painfully. _Use it. _She pushed herself harder, Zeus's frantic barking echoing through her. Sounds of a battle bounced off the trees, concealing its location. Desperation knotted in her stomach and she halted, panting and terrified. Anders caught up with her then, his staff in hand as he tossed her sword to her. The familliar weight was a small comfort.  
>"I can't figure out which way..." She panted.<p>

Anders stepped forward, wistleing loudly.

Hawke fought down the urge to cover her ears.

Zeus's barks grew louder till his massive form broke the treeline. The couple looked at each other meaningfully, "Go left, See if you can flank the fuckers." She wispered before charging after the Mabari through the trees.

Hawke felt like her eyes might pop out of her head as she finally came upon the scene. The soil greedily drank the blood of several fallen mercinaries.

Zevran stood over the last with an irritated scowl, pressing his boot into an arrow through the mans shoulder. He squealed as Zevran applied more pressure, trying to pull away against the tree behind him. "Tell me the truth!" He hissed.

"Fuck you." The mercinary spat contemptuously.

Hawke walked slowly in holding a hand up at Anders who came in behind the Elf and his new friend.

"Let me." Hawke said softly, laying a gentle hand on Zevran's shoulder. He nodded, never looking away from the Merc. "Took you long enough, my dear." Hawke smiled, inclineing her head. "Forgive me." She drawled.

Hawke knelt before the young merc, who by his look was no more than 17. He reminded her of Carver in the anger lines on his youthful face. "Whats your name?" She asked kindly. He looked away defiantly. Hawke sighed quietly. "Look-" She started, "If you don't talk to me, you're going to have to talk to him.-" She motioned with her thumb to Anders and Zevran. "So lets you and me make this nice and easy, shall we?" He looked as though he might consider it as he glanced over her shoulder. His features softened for a moment. He leaned forward, not missing her companions inching closer as he did to spit in her face.

"Oh fuck thats disgusting!" Zevran complained loudly.

Hawke wiped her face on her tunic and grabbed the mercs throat, slamming his head against the tree. "Name. NOW."

"Aidan." he coughed through her chokehold.

She released him, letting him fall forward to paw at his neck. He sputtered, coughing blood onto the sticks and leaves. Anders stepped forward, pulling Hawke to her feet.

"Kids got spunk."

Anders half smiled through the scowl etched into his features.

"Yeah, give me 10 minutes alone with you bitch and I'll show you how much of a kid I am." Aidan ground out through his teeth, trying to laugh though his coughing fit.

It was a curious sound the bubbled from Anders lips when he jerked Aidan to his feet and slammed him into the tree. Mage or no the man could fight. Aiden whimpered as Anders pinned him. "You're not going to do shit so shut the fuck up."

Hawke threw her head back with a laugh. "Yeah, what he said." Zeus yipped a quiet agreement from beside his mistress.

"I crossed their trail about a day out, I was doubling back when your Mabari here found me." Zevran explained. "Found this one after his buddy over there with the crossbow accidentally shot him. He was pissing himself in the bushes." He chuckled in disgust. This was not a fighter, just a dumb kid with an innocent idea about glory who made the wrong career choice. _Amateurs. _

Hawke paced anxiously, looking everywhere but at Aidan. Zevran's eyes followed her aggitated movments with a bemused smile. Her expression did little to betray the conflicting emotions she felt. One the one hand, Aidan was a child, and she wanted to be merciful. If only she weren't nearly consumed by ire. Part of her, a big part, felt completely justified in ripping the young mercinary to pieces. She had changed completely, her life no longer revolving around herself and Anders. There was another, who's very existance demanded her loyalty and fierce devotion.

She was hopelessly undecided when Anders voice, hardened by his hostility broke into her reverie from where he pinned Aiden.

"What will we do with him?"

Hawke shrugged, coming to stand beside her husband. "I'm open to sugestions." She turned to nod to Zevran and her Mabari. Zeus growled menacingly. _One vote we kill him._ She thought with a loving look at her hound. Zevran inclined his head respectfully. "I'm with the dog on this." He grinned.

_Two..._

Hawke smirked, "What say you, my love?" She asked softly to her husband. "I wont risk my family." Anders hissed without hesitation. She had expected his answer. The the boy was out numbered she knew her vote would decide it for good or ill. She leaned her head back as night began to settle over the forest. The stars watched for her decision, and she huffed a heavy sigh. The burden of leadership meant hard choices. She weighed the risks, feeling nearly strangled by her burden. Her heart pounded against her ribs. Squeezing her blue eyes shut, a single tear carved a silent path down her cheek. Raven hair cascaded to frame her face and hide her eyes from her compaions as she hung her head in silent mourning. She wanted to be merciful, but as her heart fluttered restlessly she layed her hands over her womb, still conceiling her miracle from those who would use it against her. She could not, would not risk her child. It was too much to ask. _I've lost too much already. _

She could feel everyone around her waiting with barely a breath to betray the tension.

Anders looked back to her, his ocher eyes questioning.

_Fuck it. _She smiled sadly, nodding her agreement. Anders chin came up as he mouthed "I'll take care of it." Hawke turned away, her stomach rebelling.

"Zevran, you look like shit. Walk with me?" She asked. The lilt in her voice gave away only a fraction of her inner turmoil. The elf smiled, offering her his arm. She took it, gratefully and silently thanking him for teathering her to earth. She felt as though she might be sick as the adrenaline gave way to lactic acid, making her muscles ache. Even as she closed her eyes to steady herself she saw Aidan's pale reflection. _Seems I found my humanity. _She scoffed. Fat lot of good it did anyone. Zevran looked as though he might ask, patting her hand soothingly. "Shall we retire my dear?"

Hawke nodded thickly, her feet felt like lead as they made the slow precession, Mabari in tow back to her home.

Anders watched as Hawke dissapered into shadow with Zevran and Zeus. Her form faded in the distance and the stillness of the forest brought an uneasy feeling to settle in the mage's gut. No matter where they went, they would always be running. No matter how hard he fought, he would never be able to stop what came for them in the darkness. It was never a question of if, but when. It seemed to him that things came together just in time for him to watch it all burn to ashes. Rage boiled up in his chest, making the air around him roil and shift to accomadate his mana. Aidan's steel blue eyes widened as Anders turned to him with a snarl curling his lips. "They say the human body can only endure so much pain before you pass out. Let's test your limits, shall we?"

Hawke was settling down by the fire as it roared happily in the fireplace when the screaming started. A sound of pain and sorrow. The voice cracked high, barely out of puberty. Zevran sat near by, his eyes shifting around the room before lingering over her. He smiled, trying to ease her frayed nerves. Zeus curled around her on the floor, as she absently pulled her fingers through his fur with a sigh. Her tea had gone untouched and cold as time slipped by. Every minute Anders was away found Hawke more and more anxious. She layed against the giant Mabari, ignoring his grumbling and grunting.

_Hawke was drifting below the tide, water tearing at her lungs and burning her throat. So much had gone wrong. Just when it seemed like she was about to get everything she ever wanted. _

_A baby, her baby she knew without knowing was crying. Its desperate wails reverberating in her chest. Instinct, strong and unyeilding spurred her to open her eyes, to seek out her child. _

_She pushed her heavy body up, up, up. Impossibly far to claw at the surface. The baby cried louder, peircing her ears and heart. _

_The world tilted spilling her from the costriction of the water into darkness. Fear razed her body to ash and yet she found that even as she burned and floated away she was still there. She choked, coughing up the fluid on her lungs. It turned to blood as it poured from her mouth. She wanted to scream, white hot tears scortched her cheeks. _

_Someone was chanting in the darkness with her. She strained to hear them. _

_"Blood is so heavy, gushing through fingers. Waiting for numbness but agony lingers..."_

_Hawke pushed herself to her feet, closing her eyes to better make out the words._

_"Jaded heart always forget how to live, pleading with silent stars that never forgive..."_

_The voice, it was her voice. Anders appeared before her, grinning like a fool. She felt her own lips move against her will to say; _

_"The sorrow I've witnessed, but I'll never tell, that your voice in the darkness, is my ticket to hell."_

_She reached out to touch him, falling through him to her knees. _

_A black cloaked figure came, holding her child in its arms. She scrambled desperately to reach for them just as the creature smiled cruely, her childs cry abruptly cutting off with a gurgle. _

Hawke sat up with start, her heart hammering in her chest. Her pulse thudded in her temples. One hand on her chest, the other on her stomach, she heaved, but nothing came up. _Just a dream..._She thought with relief. Zevran came to her side from the other room. The fire had died some time before and he'd moved her sleeping body into bed.

"Hawke?" He asked with caution, eyes narrowed.

"Bad dream." She dismissed his worry. "Where's Anders?"

Early morning sunlight trickled through the window. Hawke blinked sporadically, barely believing she'd fallen asleep.

"He's outside-" Zevran started, grabbing her by the arm as she started out to see him. "-Hawke." The elf's eyes reflected the warning in his voice.

She pushed past him to the front door. Anders stood facing the forest, his entire body covered in blood.

**A/N: I based the dream on a few very real, very disturbing dreams I had during my pregnancy, so at least something creative came from that. There are pieces of a poem I wrote in there, If anyone wants to see the whole thing let me know :) As always thanks to everyone who's going on this trip with me, Reviews are much appriciated. I know I'm not the best but you stick with me anyway, You guys are rockstars!**


	10. Can't Fight The Devil

**First I want to say how sorry I am this took so long, I had most of it written for a while, but I was very unhappy with it, and I didn't want to rewrite all of it, so I've been struggling to find a way to make it work. **

**BioWare owns the characters, and I torture them.**

**Rated M for Language, giggity and themes. **

**Reviews please and thank you.**

**Enjoy :)**

**Chapter 10: Can't fight the Devil**

_**"As you showed me your scars**_

_**I only held you closer.**_

_**And as the light in you went dark**_

_**I saw you turning over...**_

_**I wanted always to be there for you**_

_**and close to you,**_

_**but I'm losing this,**_

_**and I'm losing you."**_

So many things had gone wrong, in horrible fashon for Jenivicia Hawke. Fate was unkind to her bloodline in general, something Hawke acknowledged with no small amout of ire. Two weeks had passed since Anders had come trudging from the tree line. Two horrible weeks of near silence, and trepidation. Two weeks sailing. The sway of the ship did nothing to help her bouts of sickness, and her husband stayed in their cabin, pressing himself into corners, or pacing restlessly. He seemed to jump at the smallest provocation, only to become angry and snappy. Thats when he was talking, which was rarely. He hadn't slept, preferring instead to wander the ship at night, less perturbed by the skeleton crew. Hawke found herself constantly looking into her memories for the explanation she wassn't getting from Anders.

Finally, Hawke confided in Isabela and Fenris as to what had caused Anders breakdown. They listened intently as she caught them up on what had happened since they'd parted last, right up to the part about the baby. Isabela paled, with her mouth hanging open in a way that made Hawke feel like blushing, or slapping her. Fenris choked, sputtering incoherently in tevinter, blushing himself despite the lack of detail with which Hawke explained.

"Alright...so walk us through it, and maybe we can find a trigger?" Isabela said uncertainly. Sympathy was not a skill the busty pirate would say she posessed but damnit, she was going to try for Hawke.

"Its all so complicated Isa, I...I don't know exactly how to start." Hawke said, her voice lilted delicately. Tears threatening to spill made her blood boil with anger. She sighed, frustraited and started slowly.

_"Maker have mercy..." Slowly and deliberately Hawke sank to her knees. She rocked back on her heels, wrinking her nose. The scent of blood and burnt flesh rode the wind, overwelming Hawke's senses. Her breath came in small quiet gasps. Anders turned and for the briefest moment his eyes held the fire of a distant past, the screams echo mirrored in their depths, and Hawke's skin crawled. _

Hawke paced the length of Isabela's cabin, ignoring the Pirate and Fenris as they watched her with equal attentivness. Several minutes of silence had done nothing to quiet Hawke's mind as her thoughts raced lightyears ahead of her.

"Kitten..." Isabela tried again to calm her friend. Rubbing her tired eyes with the back of her hand. "...He's bound to be a bit...well..." She struggled, fixing Fenris with a silent plea for help.

"..Tramatized." The Elf added quietly, clearing his throat.

"Yes! That." Isabela half yawned, stretching out hugely, ignoring Fenris's sidelong glance of disapproval. The Pirate hadn't slept in three days, trying desperately to be of use to Hawke. "All this stress can't be good for your, uh little passenger."

Hawke snorted, exasperation plain on her features. But she was right, wassn't she? The stress was indeed bad in this state. Hawke ran her hand absently over her stomach, a small smile pulling at her lips as she did. She swayed a little, exaustion finally breaking through her aggitated alertness.

"Did Anders reveal to you the information he'd pulled from the mercinary child?" Fenris asked, ever practical.

Neither he, nor Isabela missed Hawke pale at his question. Her lower lip trembled nearly imperceptibly. She viciously bit down on it, determined to stem whatever emotion was burning her insides.

The atmosphere inside the small cabin shifted and thickened as Hawke silently struggled, her shoulders sagging infintismally.

Fenris's brands lit up, his face alarmed. He hadn't yet seen proof of Hawke's new power. He gaped at her openly, eyes wide and stricken. Isabela whispered something to him, to which he nodded. He remained pinned to the far wall.

The small cabin creaked in protest of the mana's pressure that Hawke was exerting without meaning to.

Isabela touched her shoulder softly. Worry creasing her brow. _She'll rip the whole ship to pieces like this..._ "Don't worry about that part right now, just continue from where you left off, if you want."

Hawke sighed, smiling weakly.

The room relaxed, as did its occupants. Hawke hated that she'd upset Fenris, though she didn't have to nerve to ask how much of his reaction had been instict and how much was intentional, if any at all. It was hard to miss the irony that once again, her favorite Mage hating Elf was once again having to defend the Mage he hated most for her sake. She knew it was a bitter pill to swallow, no matter how tolorent the former slave might be. To top it off, he was also now to help defend Hawke herself, who had been as hateful toward mages as Carver (given the circumstances under which her family lived) right up until she'd fallen in love with one. It had never occured to her that Fenris took her sudden intrest in the "Mage Problem" as an out and out betrayal. She let it go, stiffly shaking her head, like someone who'd tasted something nasty.

"Alright then." She whispered, sinking to sit on the floor. Isabela followed suit, crossing her legs.

"...fuck..." Hawke's voice sounded as small as she felt.

_"I told you I'd drown us in blood to keep you safe." Anders rasped, pinning her in his predatory gaze, eyes darting wildly in search of futher danger. _

_Hawke's lips curled into a sneer at the knot that formed in her gut. He'd made that promise, and made good on it. It wouldn't be the first, or the last time, for certain. She was very aware of her surroundings, the wind pressing coldly into her homestead. The tall grass of the field swayed eagerly to dance with swirling air. Was this his doing? As he stood before her, covered in gore, the knot tightened in a familiar and unexpected way. _

_**What am I, a pervert? **_

_Acting seperately from her mind, Hawke's body responded eagerly to the sight. His obvious power and ferocity setting her veins to singing with mana. He held himself like a king. As he closed on her, bending low to bring his face inches from hers Hawke felt her heart ramming painfully into her ribs. The elven assassin standing quietly at her back all but forgotten. _

_"Come." He commanded, offering his hand._

"So Zev was there?" Isabela asked, Fenris frowned from where he'd seated himself on a big chair. The elven assassin was clearly a topic that had been rehashed one too many times and was now very, very sore.

"Yeah, he looked like he was being pulled apart the whole time." Hawke recalled in a shaking voice.

Isabela nodded, a thoughtful expression on her face as she clearly was remembering something innapropriate.

"Isa.." Hawke admonished her not unkindly, poking the pirate in one her gigantic boobs. She nearly smiled at the busty pirate, who laughed a little louder than strictly needed. Hawke herself was no slouch in the boob department but Isabela bordered on the rediculous.

"He told me a bit of what he'd observed that day, I have to say it paints a pretty intense picture." Hawke sighed.

Isabela leaned forward, intrigue plain on her features.

Hawke wondered how often anyone got Zevran's perspective on things, as he rarely tipped his hand.

_Zevran felt the tension between the couple before him. She took his hand, but her chin came up defiantly. Zev couldn't help the lazy smirk that spread easily over his lips. He watched as Anders pulled her close, to press his body into hers. He stepped forward, careful not to encroach on Anders' percieved territory. "I'll go see what I can hunt up for breakfast, I think. Play nice kids." He said to no one, hoping they weren't too far gone to hear him. Another tentative step was answered with a low growl from Anders, who looked past his wife with sharp eyes. Zevran side stepped to move into the direction leading toward the field. _

_"No need." Hawke answered harshly. "There is a river near by." She said pulling Anders by the hand before pushing him to keep walking. Pausing next to Zevran, Hawke gave him a small smile._

_"It would be best if you were to steer clear of the forest today. He is restless, and will not know you from an enemy." Hawke hated letting anyone know the more aggressive side of her husbands nature, but there was no help for it this time though she was sure Zevran would understand. She had found herself wondering often about how close he really was with her cousin. Questions for another time._

_Zevran nodded mutely, wondering if she would be safe with Anders, if he was truely so far gone. What she said next did nothing to comfort him, though he doubted she'd meant it to. _

_"We'll be back in a few hours. Its strange I know, but as my friend I ask this of you. Whatever you hear, keep away. Understand?" _

_Hawke didn't wait for a response. She turned to follow her lover into the abismal shadows of the tree line._

"Oh really?" Isabela asked, her eyebrows climbing.

Hawke felt her face flush with heat as the pirate nudged her with an elbow.

Fenris coughed his excuse to leave, deeming the rest of the story "girl talk". He apologized and kissed Isabela lightly on the cheek and exited swiftly.

The girls giggled together. Apparently whatever Fenris felt Zevran had been in danger of hearing, he also didn't want to hear.

"What did Zevran hear I wonder?" The pirate waggled her eyebrows. "I thought you said this was a sad story."

"It is, Isa..." Hawke said grimly. "You're such a slut." She added, returning the captains suggestive elbow, elicting another throaty laugh. 

"Well." Isabela prompted.

"Well what?" Hawke asked, crossing her arms like a petulant child.

"The rest."

"You don't need to hear the rest." Hawke insisted.

"If you want my opinion, I do."

Hawke sighed, resigned.

_The water was still, and warm, thanks to Hawke's thoughtful foresight. She pulled Anders armor apart slowly, carefully examineing him for wounds. He absently nuzzled her face as she looked him over, a happy smirk curling his lips. All the blood appeared to belong to Aidan. She could only imagine what had happened. I'm not sure I want to..._

_Anders obeyed happily as Hawke pulled him slowly into the water. He tried to stay as near to her as possible. "Are you alright?" He asked, deleriously. _

_"No need to worry, love." She replied gently, washing his exposed skin as he stood waist deep in the river. _

_He stroked her face gently, undeterred by her focusing on her task rather than returning his affections._

_"We'll have to leave here as soon as possible." She said ruefully. She tensed against the shuddering chill that crawled up her spine. Always running away, she'd give anything to face this head on. She gently encouraged Anders to turn, chewing her lip as she worked. This life was one she'd chosen, though in a way it had chosen her. Her life before Kirkwall had been a reflection of the cat and mouse games of dodging Templars and Mercenaries. _

_It seemed no matter where they went they ended up having to fight their way out. Suddenly Thedas felt very small, and Hawke felt very tired. _

_"What happened out there?" She asked offhandedly, startled by Anders suddenly grabbing her wrists._

_His eyes burned at the internal conflict. _

_"I killed him." He said simply, stroking her face with his thumbs. He nuzzled her, pressing closer to make his thoughts clear. _

_Hawke could feel him pressed roughly into her stomach. She ignored it, determind to understand what had changed her husband so drastically. _

_"How?" She prompted gently. _

_"I broke his spine in six places." His voice was icy, and cruel. He let his hands roam her trembling body freely. His own body relaxed and eager. _

_Hawke watched mesmirized at the thick bands of muscle rolling just under his skin. Her resolve began to crumble. _

_"What did he tell you?" She tried again. Getting answers was beginning to take a lower priority over what Anders intended. She wanted very much to get them before she let him have his way. She felt very sure she was about to fail. _

_"What does it matter?" Anders bit out, aggitated. "I will defend whats mine." _

_His eyes dared her to argue, a bemused smile playing on his lips. Thats it, conversation over, they said. _

_Hawke's chin came up defiantly. Sure she loved it when Anders was pure, testosterone driven male, but this "I am all that is man" crap was getting tired._

_"Anders-" _

_He growled out a warning to let it be._

_Hawke noted it, underterred. _

_"- Please, baby talk to me. This is breaking my heart." He was alien, other and full to bursting with anger. Hawke felt very alone in that moment, like a peice of the man she loved so desperately had died with Aidan. The sensation tore at her as merciliessly as Anders arms, wrapped around her waist and backside, pulling her off her feet. _

_He crushed his lips to hers with all the force in his body. _

_"I fucking told you I would." He snarled, kissing her hard enough to split her lip. _

"Wow..." Isabela breathed, fanning herself.

"Yeah." Hawke agreed nodding.

"I take it you never got the answers you wanted." The pirate said, a smile pulling at the edges of her lips.

"No I didn't, and he's been in a pique ever since then. I just can't figure on why." Hawke chewed her lip, running her fingers through her hair. "I'll tell you, that night he had about as much finesse as a battering ram." Hawke added for the pirates benifit.

"Gotta love the savage ones." Isabela said, as Hawke nodded, her face flushed. He'd plunged into her body like she was his last chance at redemption.

"Maker, save me." Hawke said, lowering her eyes to her feet, which were suddenly very interesting.

"Oh leave him out of this." Isabela chided her. She'd never seen Hawke pray, even in passing. Something she found interesting, and disturbing.

"Butt out, I wassn't talking to you." Hawke said playfully.

Isabela chortled.

Hawke exhaled, making an exasperated sound and she rolled her shoulders. "Its one to thing to have a breakdown. I get that. But he's been like this for two weeks. All twitchy nerves, and snapping at me. Then he wants to get physical, and damn, my vagina is sore." Hawke joined her friends laughter half heartedly.

"I need to know that my Anders is still in there, not just for myself anymore. We won't be able to hide this-" She layed an affectionate hand over her flat stomach. "-forever and I need him. I can't do this alone."

"Like fucking hell you can't. You don't want to." Isabela barked, sobered from her mirth.

Hawke's eyes darkened with anger and suprise. "No I don't. You think thats really an option?"

Isabela bit her lip, she didn't have a damn thing against Anders, and personally she felt he was the best damn thing Hawke ever did for herself. However she couldn't stomach the idea that her best friend "Needed" a man, any man to hold her up. The woman had the backbone of a dragon and enough raw ferocity to back her own self up. The pirate vehemently ignored her own tangled, and absolutely wonderful feelings for a certain escaped elven slave.

With a practicality she'd learned from Fenris, she squared her shoulders, leveling her eyes with Hawke's.

"You'll do what you have to, whatever that is. For you're own sake and the sake of you're little one. Whatever his problem is, it stopped being yours the moment he refused to include you."

No, Hawke couldn't accept that, at least not the last part. Yes she would do what she had to do, no matter how much it hurt her. Her heart already aching at the idea. But she refused to believe Anders was being dishonest. However wrong he may be she was sure he thought he was protecting her, and their child. Surely there couldn't be anything more to it, could there? The possibility of actually having to move on alone settled in her gut, and for a moment she thought she might vomit. What if he left? Was leaving? To protect, her or himself? Must be hard for him, by the way he was acting, but Hawke wondered, and wished harder than ever to know what he was resolving to in his thoughts, which he'd kept private.

_Oh...no..._

Hawke's mind, in overdrive brought forward a dimly lit memory, Anders ghostly voice a faint echo.

_"I'll break your heart, and that will kill me as surely as the templars."_

_"...This is breaking my heart."_

_"I fucking told you I would." _

Fear hit Hawke like a stonefist to the chest. Then Anger hit her with equal force. She projected the force outward, wretching herself to her feet, as Isabela tumbed backward with a yelp.

"You're right." Hawke said, uncaring. Her clothes and hair billowing softly in the wake of her mana, which swirled around her body like a hurricane. Hawke felt as raw as a trapped rabbit, and angry enough to tear the moon from the sky.

"What?" Isabela stammered. "I am?" She scrambled to her feet, barely able to move. Might have cracked a rib, she wassn't sure. "Where in the void are you going?" She barked, grabbing Hawke's arm. Mana surged into the pirates hand, forcing her to release

"AHH! The fuck?"

Hawke turned on her with hollow eyes, their blue depths frozen all the way down to her soul.

"I'm going to talk to Anders." She said, venom in her voice, as she turned to walk out, past Fenris who was halfway through the door, brands flairing.

Isabela stood stunned as Fenris gave Hawke a wide berth. Why couldn't she just keep her big mouth shut?

"Oh sod."

**Okay, so the song for this chapter is "Broken Peices" by Lacy Sturm and Apocalyptica. Once again, sorry it took so long, and I really hope you enjoyed reading it, I worked my ass off. Big shout it to Diply, for getting me motivated and being so rediculously cool about the delay. I kind of love you. Rate, Review, I love that shit. Big thanks to everyone who reads it, ya'll know who you are.**

**Smooches :)**


	11. Hard Limits Of The Lucid Dreamer

**Okay fair warning, I had a good bit of agression to release, and while I in no way condone domestic violence at all, well sometimes you just have to smack a bitch.**

**Seriously though, this chapter is pretty much the worst idea I ever had, but it wrote itself, I held her back as far as I could. It might be hard to read and lord knows I don't want my version of these people to be unlikeable. **

**Everyones got their limits.**

**BioWare Owns, and will probably take them away and send me to my room for this. **

**Rated M: Extreme violence, Adult themes and Concepts, Language **

**I'm just a panda bear, in sexy little underwear, and I'll dance for youuu...if you give me a review.**

**Enjoy :)**

**Chapter 11: Hard Limits Of The Lucid Dreamer**

_**"I'm always swimming**_

_**against the flow of the tide.**_

_**Kissing the life into something**_

_**thats already died."**_

"We need to talk, _**now**_." Hawke barked sharply as she entered the cabin she'd shared with her husband for two weeks. Two weeks of stress, fear, and lost tempers. Hawke's patience with Anders had finally run out, and now she would get answers if she had to shock his fingers off one by one. She considered doing it anyway. "On you're feet _Mage._" Hawke ran a current over her skin, not bothering to restrain the magic singing in her blood. Electricity arc'd over her body like little lightning strikes. It crackled in the air, promising pain and misery.

Anders jumped as his furious wife kicked in the door, barking orders at him. The way her full lips curled distainfully around the word Mage made his stomach drop, and his adrenaline spike. He'd always feared the words she'd spoken, yet he'd never imagined when he'd heard them it would be his wife, and mother of his unborn child that would be kicking down his door. Yet here she was, talking down to him like, like a Templar, with disgust in her eyes. She knew more than anyone about his past, all the terrible things he saw, and did, and was done to him. He'd bared his blackened, tortured soul to her and now she was as good as rubbing his face in it. He'd put up with a lot for the sake of loving this woman, blood, sweat, tears. He imagined for a moment how his face must look as she stormed in, glowing like some demon crawling straight out of the void itself to claim him. Fear rippled up his spine in bursts, his own temper struggling to flair, to defend himself.

"Have you lost your mind!" He ground out through his teeth as he crossed the room with a few easy strides to tower over her. He'd fully intended to grab her by the arm and demand an explanation, if he could have gotten that far. As he reached toward her, uncaring of her mana spiking the air with fury she screamed high and clear.

**"**_**DON'T TOUCH ME!**_**" **

A powerful shockwave caught Anders full in the chest, sending him flying backwards. It crossed his mind before he painfully hit the back of the cabin with a crash and a yelp that she meant to punish him for what he'd done to Aidan. Part of him could accept that, given that he didn't think much of himself either for the deed. He'd gone too far, a few miles too far and he knew he'd have to answer for it sooner or later. All the air in his body rushed past his lips as he felt one of his lungs collapse with a sickening pop. It never occured to him she didn't know what he'd done, or didn't care either way.

Her anger flowed and covered her, pushing deeper into her body until she was sure it the made up the cushioning between her bones. It consumed her, tainted her blood, and stoked the magic within her to incredible heights. She pushed the powerful energy to pulse outward with the rythem of her racing heart. It would keep any and everyone from approaching her. She couldn't remember why she was angry. She couldn't bring herself to care. White hot rage bombarded her nerves and mind until the the bitterness and resentment she felt became a nearly tangible blackness that coated her insides and filled her soul with contempt and venemous hate.

The instinct to fight, and survive was a powerful compulsion for Anders, and he fought it down with everything in him. Time seemed to be slowing to an agonizing crawl. His next breath hit his undamaged lung like a fistful of flames being punched down his throat, due in part to his injury, and the tempest of Hawke's mana raging uncotrolled, pulling his own magic to come clawing to the surface without his consent. Very slowly, at least in his perception of things Anders rose to his unsteady feet. Muscles twitching and bones grinding in protest the troubled mage finally, really looked at his wife. Her wild eyes nearly rooted him in place. Darkness swirled around her like an imploding star. She pulled mana from thin air, or she'd torn the veil and was feeding her power directly from the fade.

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Isabela had take her fair share of hard hits in her life. She'd been all over Thedas and spent time in the company of just about every kind of being the world had to offer and some it was scarcely aware of. She herself had never actually been able to feel a mages power, and she was willing to bet Hawke at that very moment was projecting hers much further than ever the most powerful blood mages had any right to expect. When her skin had touched Hawke's the pain was instant and intense, shooting into the bones of her hand and wrist deep enough to burn the marrow.

Years of practice and battles now stood between the pirate and absolute agony.

If she'd had the luxury of time to stop what she'd started she might have crumpled to the floor and let the pain have her. If she'd known she was about to give the wrong advice to her friend, if she had known how close Hawke was to snapping, if she'd really taken in everything Hawke had been telling her. The shock of new and frightenly potent magical abilities, A pregnancy that was never suppose to be, her husband shutting her out and being on the run again...if if if...So many ifs.

Isabela felt a very rare emotion for her. Regret.

"Isabela, *oletko kunnossa?" Fenris was asking her as she cradled her wrist with her good hand, his brands flairing angrily. She struggled for a moment to recall her knowledge of Tevinter.

"Huh? Oh...yeah I'll be fine." She replied unconvincingly as she muscled past him to catch up to Hawke.

If he was going to argue, he didn't have a chance. He stalked after her, halfway listening to her ordering her men to keep working. She was obviously injured and yet still an imposing and strong leader to her crew. Under different circumstances his admiration of her would have made him smile. As it stood now, it would be a miracle if he didn't wring Hawke's neck for her carelessness. That of course, was before he saw her, Stalking into the room with all the grace of a seasoned predator, and out of control.

Several things came to him at once. Several very bad things. Anders, had never known Hawke when she more conservative about mages. To see her now, using more than one element at a time, more than one spell, made the Elf's stomach flip. Hawke was what the Tenvinter's called a "Lucid Dreamer". She had indeed torn the veil, and was syphoning the power of the spirits and demons within without their consent, Blood Magic had nothing on that. The Magisters had kept the existence of such rare creatures very close to the chest, so effectively in fact that the Chantry was totally ignorant.

Fenris could hear her heart struggling to keep its pace. He respected Hawke, but he hated Anders, always had. If the man, abomination had bothered to payed attention he would have known she was even more diffrernt now than ever. He trained her, not well enough it seems. Now this woman who he loved, in his own way like family had endangered everything Fenris had come to cherish, and no matter how he felt, if Anders could not stop her, he would.

Isabela didn't hesitate as she moved, Fenris at her side, to put herself between Hawke and Anders. Anders had begun to glow, a deep growl rumbling in his chest as he regarded his wife with cruel eyes. The couple stood back to back, pressed together with their hands raised. Isabela was whispering to Hawke, a prayer for her to come back. to stop.

"Kitten please, you love Anders..." She pleaded, giving Hawke pause. The Battle Mage eyed her friend with irritation. Isabela figured it was now or never. "Please honey, I know its hard but try to think. You don't want to hurt anyone, and we don't want to hurt you. Think of you're baby. You could be hurting it, please Hawke."

Fenris was irate, glowing, and his brands were starting to burn his skin as they resonated with Hawke's magic. "She's going to die if she doesn't stop soon." He snarled at Anders, who looked incredulous.

"How the fuck would you know?" Anders barked. "Get out and let me handle my wife."

Neither Fenris nor Isabela particularly liked the way he said "Handle" and neither were willing to let them destroy the ship with so many crewmen on it, in the middle of the sodding ocean.

"I think you've done enough!" Fenris yelled back, shivering in anger. Damn him! Damn that stupid mage fuck! He'd fucked Hawke up and it was growing more and more likely and they would have to clean up the Abominations mess. The probability of having to kill Hawke was bad enough, and how Isabela would suffer the most as her best friend but what Fenris hated most in that scenario was killing the child. Even if it was Anders, it was half Hawke too. He hoped, however perversely that if it came down to it, they both died. He hated the thought of falling out of his former leader's grace by being responsible for the death of her baby. If it wasn't dead already. The thought was sobering, and infuriating.

The power Hawke was emitting ebbed only slighty. Apparently she'd come around enough to speak, though her voice sent chills through through the hearts of her compaions.

"You know _nothing_ of magic." She rasped, droplets of blood beginning to slowly trickle from her lips.

All heads turned to her then, identical horror stretched over their paleing faces.

"**Siirra!" Fenris roared, grabbing Isabela's arm to swing her around behind him at the same time as Anders spat "Shit!"

Fenris intented in the next second to charge Hawke, but Anders was faster, surging forward with more speed than a mage should possess. He grabbed Hawke just below her shoulders, screaming loudly as she forced her mana into his body. His veins felt like they were spiked with needles and fire.

Fenris sheilded Isabela, who seemed unaware that she was emitting a high pitched whine as tears flowed recklessly down her face. She was shaking her head, positive she was about to watch her friends die. "Do something!" She cried to no one specifically.

Anders ground his teeth together, willing his body to accept her intrusion. All his anger disloved into fear. He shifted his grip on his wife, holding her face in his hands, he desperately shook her.

"Sweetheart please..." He begged, his eyes burning with tears. "I went too far I know, baby I'm so sorry."

Hawke snarled at him, air hissing up out of her lungs. Anders braced himself, threading his fingers through her hair to hold her tightly before him as she raised her arms and with brutal force slammed both her elbows into him, breaking both sides of his collarbone.

White hot pain lanced through his body, more pain than he'd ever physically felt in his life. But her power was running out, he could feel it. He just had to keep her from killing anyone long enough, and hope for the best.

Even Fenris flinched back at Anders scream of pain. Still he held on. Something faintly resembling respect stirred in the Elf, as he watched Anders determindly trying to save his wife and child.

"Maker, she's killing him!" Isabela yelped, struggling to go help, but Fenris had an iron grip around her waist.

"NO!" Anders bellowed, Shaking her. "YOU'RE NOT FUCKING LEAVING ME LIKE THIS JENIVICIA!" His heart constricted painfully, his breath sawing in his good lung. "Don't go where I can't follow." he was pleading with her. "Come home-" He started as she reached to choke him. Her lips curling into a terrifying grimmace. His eyes widened in terror, he wasn't going to make it. "Fen-ris" he tried, he hated that smug bastard but he had no other options. Within seconds Fenris was grabbing Hawke's wrist, spitting an impressive string of curses in Tevinter as the inevitable pain rocked through him. The Elven warrior visably shuddered against the sensation, but showed no other sign of distress. Anders didn't have time to be impressed. It was now or never. Anders offered a prayer to the maker, tears sliding down his cheeks. _Please...I love her too much... _Anders crushed his lips to hers, ignoring the pain as she bit a chunk out of his lip and quickly measured his strengh as he slapped her as hard as he dared.

Hawke was burning alive, and drowning in flames. The voices, and the lights. Maker it was too much. It swirled around her violently. Some voices whispered insidiously, others called to her, searching. She wanted to go home, but she couldn't find her voice to call back. Hope was a cruel bitch, clawing at her subconcious, pressing itself close like a lover, just to pull away when she reached for it. Fucking tease. Sorrow raked against her soul, leaving deep fissures that seemed to widen everytime she tried to scream. A voice pierced the pain and fear...his voice. He thought he was losing her. _No baby...I'll never leave you..._ She wanted to say. She wanted to sooth him. He sounded so frightened.

Everything Fenris knew about magic was suddenly equivalent to just a drop in the bucket. He looked back at Isabela, a ghost of the pain the contact has caused lingered in his muscles.

Hawke had collapsed against Anders, her energy raging. Her body shook wildly. She thrashed, and screamed like a wolf keeining at the moon. She had to release the built up mana. It stuck in her chest, making her heart hammer into her ribs with painful clarity. The pressure climbed and climbed until her body could no longer hold together. With a terrible surge her screams crescendo'd so loudly Anders thought she'd busted his eardrums. Hawke could feel all too well as her breastbone snapped like a twig, the mana exploding and shattering her ribs.

"HER HEART!" Anders heard Fenris yelling as Hawke's voice abruptly cut off with a gurgle. Bloody tears were rolling down her cheeks as the couple collapsed onto the floor.

"Jen-Jeni..." Anders was shaking her, as he cradled her body in his lap. "Jenivicia please...no...please don't.."

Fenris held Isabela, who shook uncontrollably. "My fault." She was saying under her breath. Fenris squeezed her tighter in disagreement, his wide eyes rivited on the scene. Please, don't let her die. He prayed over and over, the only sound in the room was Anders sobbing over Hawke. His hysterics making Fenris's heart clench.

Anders viciously wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, He called his magic, growling in frustraition at how slowly it came. He pushed the tendrils of his healing spell like fingers under her skin to find the injuries and knit the bones together. Her heart had nearly exploded and was barely beating, he took care of that first, then her breastbone. Her chest heaved upward with the bones as they crunched back into their proper place. Her ribs were trickier. Anders swallowed a knot in his throat as he allowed his magic to reach into her womb, unsure of what, if anything he would find, and there lain inside her was a child who's own heart was thrumming like a hummingbirds wings, distressed but healthy. The mage almost cried out in elation. "She's going to make it." He said finally, exausted, and injured badly himself. "And the baby is okay."

The room let out a collectively held breath. Relief the dominant emotion. Isabela, shivering head to toe took came to sit next to Anders, placing her uninjured hand on his shoulder. "You did it." She said, smiling hugely, happy tears springing from her eyes.

Fenris knelt on Anders other side, brows knit together in caution. "We should move her to the bed." He suggested gently, happy but unwilling to touch the mage. Anders nodded mutely, moving to do exactly that. Isabela shot Fenris a worried glance.

"Let me." The tevinter elf said, reaching for Hawke. Anders caught his wrist lightening fast, his lips curling.

The two men eyed each other intensely, and though Fenris knew the mage was misunderstanding his intent, he felt his pride rise to the occasion regardless, and he really didn't want to be touched.

"Release me, _Mage_, or lose the hand." Fenris threatened softly in his deadly baritone.

"Touch her and you'll lose a great deal more, _Elf._" Anders promised, his voice mirroring Fenris's as he let go.

"For fuck's sake, _I'll _move her." Isabela hissed, exasperated.

"Isa, You don't have to do that. I'll take care of it." Anders said more gently, pleased at the way Fenris scowled at him.

"Then grow up, both of you." She admonished harshly.

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Anders had healed most of his wounds and Isabela's wrist, and though it hurt his pride to do it, he'd healed Fenris too.

He pulled a chair to sit by the bed, watching his Wife sleep. Isabela had explained hours before what they'd talked about before Hawke snapped. To Anders dismay, Fenris had also sat in on the conversation, listening with open curiosity. Anders irritation turned to abashed gratitude as the Elf launched into his knowledge about Lucid Dreaming.

He stroked her hair gently for a long time, whispering his love to her, and to his child. He begged their forgivness for his actions, and hoped beyond hope that when Hawke finally came around, she would still want him. A sob caught in his throat, which hurt more than it should have in his lungs. His stubborness had almost cost him everything he'd ever loved, and he love them fiercely. He'd pushed to breaking. The misery was unstoppable and stuck in his throat. Hope thrashed wildly in his chest.

"I thought you would be disgusted with me because I went to far again, and I don't want to live without you. Either of you." He sobbed into her hair as he leaned over her, comforted by her warmth.

He laid his head on her chest, cherishing the sound of her heart, beating out the rythem of life. She was going to make it. His selfish hopes aside, thats what mattered. Even if she abjured him, it would be enough to know his wife and child were alive, and happy. "I'll love you forever, Jenivicia." He whispered against her heart.

"Only forever?" Her voice lilted, but she'd spoken.

Anders jumped, taking in her face. She was smiling weakly, tears swimming in her eyes. He didn't try to hold back the sob this time. He half laughed, half cried hysterically. A radiant smile lit his features like he'd swallowed the sun. Anders pulled Hawke into his arms, kissing and nuzzling every inch of skin he could get to.

"Its a start." He almost cheered.

_**A/N: Okay so I guess ya'll are the lucky ones, two chapers a few days apart? Be still your heart, right? ...Right? I hope you all love it, because I think I broke my thumb. Anyhow, I felt like I needed to get this out. Pretty dark stuff I know but it needed to happen I think. Thanks for reading, I love you guys. Especially Diply, who helped me when I got stuck and kept the flow of ideas heading in the right direction. Also, I used Finnish, as in the native language of Finland for Tevinter, sorry if I fucked it up to anyone who speaks it, blame that shit on Google Translate.**_

_*** "Isabela, Are you alright?"**_

_**** "Move!"**_


	12. Falling In Reverse

**So I wanted to dial back the drama for a moment, "Personal drama over with?", why yes, for now. Maybe. **

**I know a lot of writers give you more perspective than just the protagonists to give you an idea of where the plots at, I haven't, and wont. The characters themelves have no idea what going to happen, and so you shall be suprised right along with them, mwahahahahaha.**

**BioWare owns them, and might see fit to forgive me for my tresspasses again them, there are so many. **

**The song for this chapter is "The Dragon In Me" By Seether, Dawn Of The Seeker Soundtrack**

**So yeah, Rated M: Language, Themes, Violence **

**I'm just a panda bear, in sexy little underwear, and I'll dance for you, if you give me review : )**

**Enjoy ^_^**

**Chapter 12: Falling In Reverse**

_**"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."- Friedrich Nietzsche**_

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The way Hawke figured it, there were four kinds of people in the world. Warriors, Rogues, Mages, and everybody else. Mages, in particuar fit firmly in the "Other" catagory that seemed to make everyone else freak right out. No matter where you fit in, battles, and close shaves were a part of life. You're born, you fight, and sooner or later, you die. Glory had nothing to do with it. She knew that now. For the first time in a long time, she could look back on her life, her actions and see every twisted detail. It made her sick, and tired, but most of all, it put an ache in her heart she was sure would be with her till she too met her end. How close had she come to killing her friends, her husband, her child, her self?

Hawke was restless. Three days bed rest, Anders orders, had her ready to jump ship and swim laps around it till she couldn't move her arms. At first she couldn't think of anything to entertain herself. Then she started imagining her friends and family, one by one. Those she hadn't seen in years, and those that were gone, she tried imagining their faces, the details smoothed by time in their absence. Her brows knit together in frustraition. Surely if she consentrated she could remember her fathers face, his voice. The way he gently guided her to greatness. What would he make of all that her life had become? Married, pregnant, and on the run. Oh and lets not forget, apparently a powerful mage and an abomination, based on her more recently discovered talent for pulling mana from the fade. From all Hawke knew about blood magic, the mage makes a sacrifice of blood to a demon in exchange for power. Basically. Hawke now knew that she, and perhaps less than a handful of others she guessed had the ability to take the demons power without a sacrifice, without permission. She was willing to bet anything in Thedas they weren't going to like that, or the Chantry for that matter, when they found out, and she had no doubt they would eventually.

As if she needed anything else dogging her bloodline.

_Maybe I should have Anders blow up Val Royeaux..._

Hawke barked an embarassed laugh to herself, happy to keep that nugget of thought to her own self. She thought in circles, attacking their current predicament from every angle she could, until finally her mind was all snarled up and barely making conherent sentences.

Once she'd worn out that distraction, she started talking out loud to her belly, rubbing affectionately.

"I almost feel like I should apologize to you for your parentage." She sighed. " You'll have a hard life my little one, and you'll be left wanting, but I hope more than anything that I can give you the tools you'll need to survive in this crazy time. I promise to do the best I can." Hawke was crooning softly, a smile curling her full lips.

"We will." Anders corrected, not unkindly from the doorway. He leaned casually, arms folded loosely.

Hawke felt the familliar knot in her gut, reverberating warm tingles through her veins. "How much longer do I have to stay in this damned bed?"

"Till I say so." He replied matter of factly, smiling radiantly at his fidgiting wife.

"You'll have to sit on me if you expect that to happen." Hawke whined petulently.

"I have other means of persuasion." He grined wickedly, sauntering closer.

"Do tell."

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A very loud crash jarred Isabela from reading a letter from Avaline. She scowled at the wall, and the raccous sounds of sexing coming from the other side. The pirate had to fight back a smirk, deciding instead to bang her fist against the wood.

"That doesn't sound like bed rest!" She yelled indignantly, proud of her voice for coming out as sternly as she'd meant it to. The answering giggles, and subsiquent continuence of volume deflated the Pirate's pride just enough. She sighed, pressing her index finger and thumb into her sinuses. Those two carried on like teenagers. A fact that burned her slightly. Hawke had a drive even Isabela couldn't contend with, which was something. How the petite warrior managed not to rut on every male within grabbing distance (before Anders, of course) was beyond her capacity for understanding.

She decided it would be nice to stretch her legs. Yep. As she exited her cabin, she took note of Zeus, Hawke's Mabari hound, staring at his mistress's cabin door. Isabela assumed he could hear only too well the activities taking place within.  
>"Gross isn't it?" She asked the dog. His intelligent eyes regarded her with interest too thoughtful to be completely animal. He made a chuffing sound by way of agreement and shared exasperation. The Pirate smiled hugely. Finally, someone agreed with her. "Care to walk with me?" She turned, patting her thigh. Zeus smiled, well he did his best anyway and trotted to her side, shaking out his coat.<p>

Four and half laps around the deck, everyone working was on point and the ship was top shape. Isabela beamed at Zeus with an air of happiness. "This is what a ship is suppose to look like." She said half to the Mabari and half to herself. Zeus yipped happily, dancing in place.

"What did Avaline's letter say?" Fenris called from the crows nest.

Ahh yes. Fenris. Isabela sighed to herself, practically swooning. Never had there been a more handsome elf. Everytime the Pirate stopped to really think about it, she couldn't help the massive gratitude she felt that fate would bestow her with such a well suited mate. Dead sexy too. Together they'd helped eachother learn new ways of life, or relearn, in his case. Fenris wasn't the only one of Isabela's companions who saw through her facade, but he was the only one who knew why she'd presented it. He'd made it his mission to get under her skin, and he had, in every sense. If Isabela was the blushing type, she might have blushed at that.

"Climb down first, then we'll talk." She called back, using her hands to project her voice farther.

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Hawke felt like her legs might give out at any moment and she clung to Anders.

He panted into her neck, verging on hysterical laughter. He pressed her harder into the wall, the heat of his climax turning his knees to sand.

"If you weren't already pregnant, I'd say that was the one." He chuckled, lightly kissing the skin of her shoulder.

Hawke smiled, wiggling her hips suggstively. "More..." She commanded softly, her voice hoarse, and throaty.

"Insatiable. What will I do with you?" He moaned softly.

Hawke considered that, chewing her lip thoughtfully. She tried not to think of, or feel that her lover was still buried deep within her body. She pulled away to look adoringly into Anders ocher eyes. She held his gaze, giving into the burning, and rocked her pelvis very deliberately as she tangled her long fingers in his golden hair. He grunted, and would have dipped his head if she would have let him.

"Whatever you want." She whimpered impatiently.

Anders laugh turned to a moan as the friction sent sparks ricocheting off his bones.

"You'll be the death of me, I swear." He said, starting a shallow rythem in earnest.

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Isabela and Zeus watched in facination as Fenris lithely worked his way down the mast. It was like watching an acrobatic act. Every movment performed precisely with care and forethought. The pirate watched, imagining things that made her feel like blushing. She greedily drank in the sight of him, shirtless, shimmying down to the deck, where he landed with subtle agility. He sauntered up to her, and Maker help her, she wanted to lick the sweat from his body.

"Shall we?" He offered, wiping his forehead with the back of his arm. He gestured to their shared cabin.

Isabela grinned wolfishly, lifting a delicate eyebrow. She rolled her weight, cocking her hip out.

"Why waste such a beautiful day?" She countered, feeling her cheeks color slightly.

Fenris's eyes darked fractionally, reproachfully. "They're doing it again aren't they?" He asked, reading the Pirates thoughts on her face.

"Yes, but-" She started, hoping to cool his temper before he lost it.

He cursed, his own cheeks reddening. "You'd think they'd have more consideration." He growled, championing his own self control. Sex was all well and good, but Anders was rutting on Hawke like a Mabari bitch in heat.

Fenris was no prude, but Hawke and Anders were rediculously overzealous. He wouldn't have cared, execpt that the whole ship could hear them more often than not.

Isabela rubbed his arm soothingly.

"I'm going to say something." He resolved, already in motion.

Isabela chased after him, trying to hinder his motion as she plead with the aggravated Elf.

"Oh...Fen, please don't." She begged.

Fenris shook his head vehemently, charging to their door.

"Leave them be." She admonished.

Zeus yowled his agreement, running to put himself between the cabin door and the Elf where he stood fast.

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Hawke had lost count of how many times her lover had taken her to the brink of oblivion, to wretch her back and push her to her limit again. She shook, writhed, panted, screamed, and shattered.

They lay crumpled on the floor, aftershocks pulsing through their bodies. Steam rose from their bare skins.

Anders nuzzled closer, letting Hawke's scent assail his senses. He gazed at her longingly. Her muscles shifting and coiling under her radiant skin as she caught her breath. His eyes fell upon her stomach, a little bump barely visible nestled between her curvy hips.

He caressed her womb gently, propping himself up on his elbow.

"See something you like?" Hawke asked breathlessly, reaching to stroke Anders face with her fingertips.

"Where to begin, sweetheart?" He grinned, planting a soft kiss on her hips. "Your perfect hips?" He burned a trail with his lips further toward her center. "You flawless skin, perhaps?"

Hawke wriggled under her husbands skilled lips, stroking his hair and face. She giggled under her breath. "Is that all?" She teased, full lips pouting.

"Hardly." Anders scoffed, trailing a sparking fingertip across her abdomen. She writhed and arc'd her back in response.

"You have a beautiful soul, you're mine." His tone was absolute. He leaned, gingerly laying a sweet kiss on the little bump. "Most of all, I can finally see proof that you carry my child."

Hawke sat up quickly in alarm. "Iwanttosee!" Ignoring Anders laughter. He hid his face in her hair, the same hair she was pulling out of her line of vision.

"Breathe Jen, soon you'll be able to see all too well and then I'll have to listen to you complain about being fat." He offered with a gesture she assumed was meant to look like a fat miserable pregnant woman, puffing his cheeks for effect.

Hawke pouted her lip. "Fuck you, I'm not fat."

Anders scowled theatrically. "Not yet." He teased, laughing harder as Hawke slapped his shoulder.

Hawke huffed, laying back. "You won't want me when I'm fat." She stated with confidence.

Anders eyebrows reached, his mouth falling open for a moment. He loved his wife but sometimes the shit that came out of her mouth was unreal. He pulled her closer, nuzzling her face. "That's as likely as me storming Val Royeaux riding a dragon."

Hawke giggled. "It could happen." She said simply, snickering at the mental image he conjured. It really could, as Hawke actually knew a dragon, who might be inclined (simply for entertainment) to help should that course of action suddenly seem less idiotic.

Anders laughed with her, unaware of her reverie, he rolled himself over her. He smiled ear to ear when his wife lifted a questioning eyebrow, a knowing smirk playing over her slightly swollen lips.

"Again?" She asked even as she felt his intent pressing lightly into her center.

"Too much for you?" He teased, laughter dancing in his eyes.

She muttered something about Grey Wardens, laughing momentarily at her own private joke.

"Dear husband I think you'll find I am quite capable." She lifted her hips, taking in a portion of his length. Pleasure bloomed in her stomach at his throaty moan of approval.

Hawke spared a moment for regret, abashed that this delectable activity was all the couple had accomplished today. Her sigh turned to a gasp of pleasure, and then a squeal of mortification as their cabin door burst open, revealing a very angry Tevinter Elf, A busty Rivaini Pirate trying her hardest to pull him away, and a large russet and brindle Mabari Hound, barking and yowling in protest.

By Hawke's count, she'd never dressed so quickly in her life, more than a little tempted to mind blast the living fuck out of Fenris. She thought she might burn to cinders in her shame, as Anders, swiftly tucked away and jumped to sheild her yelling all the while.

"What in the flying fuck?" He snarled, his voice dropping nearly to match Fenris's depth.

Fenris stalked into the room, ignoring Isabela, who threw her hands up with a loud huff of frustraition.

"You'd think the pair of you would have a bit of consideration for the other people on this vessle who have to listen to you two rutting all day long!" Fenris barked, pointing an accusing finger in Anders face.

"What we do in private is our concern!" Anders snapped back, his hands in fists, shaking at his side.

"When the whole ship can hear you its practically an exhibition!" Fenris shot back, stepping into Anders. Though Anders was more than a head taller than the elf and twice as wide, Fenris showed no fear in being so close to the furious mage.

Hawke watched all this with exasperation. The posturing men in the center of the room reminded her of two Mabari studs confined in the same pen. All their angry words disolved into angry barking and grunting in her mind. She moved to look around them at Isabela, who shrugged, a wry smirk on her face. The two woman eyed each other speculatively.

Hawke spared a glance at the boys, who looked much the same as before. She snorted. Oh hell. She wasn't going to break up this love fest. She'd reached her limit for ultimate maleness and the battles of testicular fortitude that ensued.

Isabela motioned with her head, leave them to it, her expression was clear. Hawke nodded, skirting by them, her presence nearly forgotten. Fact was Fenris had a point, though he'd expressed it completely wrong. Wrong place, very wrong time. She scratched Zeus behind his ear on her way out the door, smiling to herself. Male pride is a touchy thing. The way she figured they'd yell themselves out eventually.

Hawke made her way to bow of the ship with Isabela and Zeus in tow. She turned her face into the wind, releshing the taste of salt and freedom.

"Mecurial aren't we?" Isabela mused, coming to stand beside her friend and former leader. She faced the open sea with bliss in her heart.

Hawke leaned her head on the Pirate's shoulder, sighing with a smile. "I do seem so." She agreed in a small voice.

"You should not allow these troubling thoughts to fester. Perhaps if you'd share the burden?" Isabela prodded gently, sensing Hawke's thoughts had turned introspective.

The future hadn't mattered in so long Hawke regarded her new worry as though suddenly after years of inactivity, time itself started moving again, kicking up dust and debris that choked her mind and heart. The sudden upheaval left her raw, and twitchy. That by her reasoning was why she and Anders were so touchy. Neither of them did so well talking, so they reconciled how they felt through touch. Not the most efficiant, but it was all they knew.

Hawke looked skeptical.

"Didn't work out so well the last time."

Isabela dipped her head. If she never thought about that again, it would still be too soon.

"Have you thought of any names for the munchkin?" She changed the subject.

Hawke giggled. "Not at all actually. Suppose I should talk to Anders about it."

"You've got time." Isabella offered, gesturing with her hand at Hawke's stomach.

Hawke sighed, letting her frustraition show. "Time would be a luxury, wouldn't it?"

Isabela blanched. "You can't think like that, kitten."

"Oh, I don't know about that. I have to think exactly like that more than ever now. Hard enough with just us on the run. Dragging a newborn along seems...suicidal." Hawke confided.

"Daft." Isabela nodded in agreement, clapping Hawke on the shoulder. The warrior rolled her eyes, offering a smile to her friend. "Viscountess Man Hands sent a missive, the letter is enlightening." Isabela said suddenly, having forgotten.

Hawke turned to her, face lit up. "Oh?" Was all she said, understating her interest.

"Yeah, she wants us to come to Kirkwall. Says she has a plan." Isabela squinted in the light as the sun broke through the cloud bank.

Hakwe's eyebrows shot up. "Kirkwall...go back to..." She shook her head wearily. "What plan?" Was all she managed to say.

Isabela shrugged, looking sheepish. "Fuck if I know, and she didn't say. Just said to come."

Hawke crossed her arms. "How does she know about whats been happening?" Anders letter had been vague, certainly nothing to indicate they needed help from their newly powerful friend.

Isabela grinned. "Word travels." She said simply, ignoring Hawke's face twitching.

"From the mouths of Pirates, no doubt." Hawke deadpanned. Perhaps it was Avaline that needed help. As much as Hawke hated the idea of going back to that city, aptly called the "City of Chains" she couldn't ignore Avaline's invitation, however vague. The former guard captain wouldn't ask her to return without reason. She would go, of course she would go. Time suddenly felt so much more luxurious.

"Alright then. She has something worth doing. Set a course. I trust I can count on your support?" Hawke said, pleased to have a mission, however mysterious.

"And let you have all the fun? Not likely." Isabela smirked.

"Going back to Kirkwall?" Anders asked from behind them. His arms crossed over his chest, thick muscles rolling under his skin. His tunic was ripped, and his jaw looked a little swollen. Cock fight was over, so it seemed.

Hawke regarded him with regret. She nodded solemnly.

"Objections?" Hawke asked in her best leader voice. All business.

"None that need be said." Anders replied softly.

Hawke smiled broadly. "I've been missing Varric something aweful."

Isabela snorted, Anders rolled his eyes, a small smile gracing his lips.

"I will go as well." Fenris said, moving from the back. He had a small cut over one eye, and smelled like burnt hair. He spared a loving glance at Isabela, who blushed slightly and gave him a wolfish grin.

Zeus barked happliy.

"Alright then." Isabela said, wrapping an arm around Hawke's waist with excitement in her voice.

"To Kirkwall." Hawke said, beaming at her friends.

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**It took a while to get this one written out, just because I was in the process of moving and trying to get myself straight. But now thats all done and I have an environment that lends itself to the creative process. **

**Big thanks to everyone who's favorited this, and is following. It means a great deal to me. **

**Big fat thanks and smooches for DiPly, who keeps me motivated, and gives me honest feedback. **

**I hope you enjoy, and I hope to have a new chapter out for you in a couple weeks :)**


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